The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/10/05
Great story! Your character is so real and relatable. For ease of readability, add an extra space between all your paragraphs - including the conversations. I LOVE your description of the flowers on the mahogany tree - beautiful! And using "braai" instead of "barbecue" is a great example of how important it is to use the proper terminology and cultural references for your setting. Great job!
10/10/05
I can understand the frustration. As wives, we have to make silk purses out of sow's ears. Thank God for His strength! Good article. Leave spaces between dialogue exchanges for easier reading.
Your story was well done and I enjoyed it. However, being a Christian site and creating a character who was trying to "do the submissive wife thing", I think having her say damn wasn't needed or character appropriate. I know a lot of people find nothing wrong with that type of language, but I chose not to speak that way and feel there is enough of it to hear in secular circles, that we as Christians don't need to throw it into the Christian realm as well. Just my two cents, but overall just a small complaint. The rest was great!
I agree with Debbie on the "damn" thing. That kind of unsettling.
Other than that, it's a very good story and I can relate all-too-well with your m.c. as I just moved to a town I really don't like hehe. Thanks for sharing!
10/13/05
I didn't even notice the 'damn' thing because in my country, it hardly carries any weight. I had to take it out of my vocab once I started interacting with North American friends though. (After shocking the socks of a couple of them!) I'm 100% sure it is just a cultural thing, although when I think about the meaning, I can see why my North American friends see it as being so strong.

I loved your piece - could picture it beautifully - love travelling through literature to other places, and this certainly didn't disappoint me. Well done indeed!