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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Once in a Blue Moon (01/06/11)

TITLE: Two and a half years
By Charmaine Austen-Dreyer


Two and a half years

The calendar is kept on her desk, in full view, no matter where she turns.

Always accessible, in one glance to check and make sure she has ticked off the date, like she has been doing for the last twelve months, every week, every day, every morning.

She cannot let go of the magic of that night, which has become her dream, no matter how she reasons with her intellect.

Her mind starts wondering, she stares out of the window where the wind is sweeping through the leaves of the old oak tree.

She ponders... the ticking off of the calendar which she started the day after that night.

With every tick, a day closer, hoping what she experienced that night, to see a full moon in its splendour of blue!

She can no longer concentrate on her work, and focusing her eyes again on the date, she sags back in her office chair and allow her mind to drift back…

Angelique was having dinner on Halloween night in a restaurant, known for their magnificent views, looking over the valley, the many lights of the homes competing with the stars lighting up the sky.

The restaurant was situated high against a cliff and not even the clouds could take away the beauty of this expanse.

Sitting a short distance away from where the owner were attending to the guest list, she could not help seeing and hearing when the Maître D’ approached and whispered to the owner to please go and see the “strange phenomenon” outside. The owner chastised her and told her to go on with her work. “There is no time for frivolousness as they are in the peak hour for serving dinner”. Although she insisted, George was no longer listening.

Because of the insistence on the part of the Maître D’, Angelique raised herself out of her chair and walked onto the balcony which has a 360* view.

Stepping out she looked up into the star studded sky. Her body covered in goose bumps she folds her arms around her body and stood there, dumb struck and short of breath. A sight that will stay engraved in her mind & soul for the rest of her life.

She realises this only happens once in a person’s life time and humbly says thank you to her Redeemer, her Fortress for His touch of supremacy.

In awe, she slowly turns left and then right, feeling she is no longer alone.

Turning to the right, she notices a shadowed figure, watching her. He steps forward and the shadows falls away.

Angelique notices a tall, slender and very distinguished gentleman looking at her intently, with cobalt blue eyes.

She takes in his profile; see the black hair slicked back with perfection. A face that beckons her to explore, get to know him for whom he really is.

He moves towards her and in a few words includes her in the awe he experienced while looking at the wonderment of God’s Creation.

They stood talking, exploring, urgently wanting to know more about each other. Instinct urged them on, they don’t have much time.

As he moved his posture to stand a bit closer to her she saw his wedding band on a solid silver chain around his slender, aristocratic neck. It startled her and he noticed immediately as she took a step back.

The connection between them was like an electric current, vibrating as a violin string. “How could this happen when he was a committed man?”

He then softly whispered, moving closer. His wife is in a mental hospital and they are expecting the worst, every minute of every day.

Angelique’s heart cried out within her soul. She started to walk away with a deep sense of loss.

She/they found what two people can only dream about – a commitment for life.

He called after her. She stopped, looked back. With pleading eyes he asked her to meet him in two and a half years, same place, same time.

To wait for him, he will meet her here.

Sadly but also with hope she contemplates and softly says: “Yes. She will be back when the full moon is blue again”.

As she turns to go, he calls out: “My name is Carlos”.

So, the ticking off of the calendar started the next morning, with hope and anticipation. The man she fell in love with the night when the full moon was blue.

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This article has been read 362 times
Member Comments
Member Date
diana kay01/13/11
i liked this story it is enchanting and some lovely description but perhaps i would have engaged with the character more quickly if you have used her name from the beginning rather than the more impersonal "she"
you reverted back again to "she" for the later part too so again the story seemed to step back slightly from the character.
the description of the time at the restaurant was great and if she could keep that up right through it could improve the peice... just my view.
Lillian Rhoades 01/15/11
You did a great job of moving the story along. I could feel the MC's various emotions.
A few suggestions: Try to avoid using verbs that end in ing when possible: For ex. If you eliminate, looking, competing, and lighting in one of your paragraphs, it would read as: "Angelique was having dinner on Halloween night in a restaurant known for their magnificent views.
She looked over the valley at the many lights that competed with stars that lit the sky."
And..."Stepping out..." best written as, "She stepped out."

Also, many times you can say the same thing with less words. For ex. 'She could not help seeing...' "She saw"

These simple techniques will improve your writing. Take a peek at Jan's Basic Writing Skills on the forum. She has loads of good tips to improve grammar and style.

Keep writing.