The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 674 times
Member Comments
Your descriptions were wonderful...drew me in and I could picture it beautifully in my mind. I also thought the overall story was very well written. I didn't quite get the ending...but, that was probably just me :)...Thank you for sharing!
Your descriptions moved the story along extremely well and kept me wondering... I'm afraid I must echo what has been said about the ending. I didn't quite "get it." However, your story was very well written.
I will have to be a bit of an echo here. The ending left me a little puzzled, but it was a cute story.
I was amazed at all the word pictures in this story. And I have to admit that the ending did surprise me. I wondered for a moment if he had accidentally asked out the "wrong" girl. A little "cliff hanger" tension at that point could have enhanced the comic relief at the end. But all in all, it's very well written. Good job!
A real fun story. Although there were loads of descriptive writing, I would caution against the overuse of descriptive adjectives.

For ex. "Penetrating, amber rays of sunlight dispelled darkness around sides of drawn curtains.

If I were the MC, too keep my "dreamboat," I'd stay far away from that salesgirl!
"to keep...."