The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/13/11
an interesting story. it felt a little disjointed but found Bud an interesting and likeable character.It would of been great if the group had decided to shared and let Bud join them regularly he sounds like a very good person to have on "the team"
i felt the ending went a bit flat but loved the story.
01/13/11
I liked your story. Even though the plot was weak, the bare bones are there with potential for a good story.

I would suggest you read more stories with dialogue to improve your writing in that area. Parts of your dialogue were a bit "stiff" and unrealistic.

Ex:Dick started to walk away, “I am sorry, I am hungry, I need to eat.”

I'd also suggest you check your writing for grammar and word usage. Ex: You wrote "rose his voice" for raised his voice. And, were for we're.

Keep writing... and reading
Prayer is important, but so is being the agent God can use to make prayer work. The group didn't seem to see an obvious need right in front of them. Great message and reminder to keep our eyes open to the needs right around us.
01/15/11
I would have liked to see Bud have just the right words that would have really reached the one they were trying to reach, and maybe a close relationship as the result,in spite of Bud's financial status. Good story, however.