The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 509 times
Member Comments
I like how you started the piece with the grandfather talking to the grandson. I liked that he was "passing down" his heritage to him through "stories of his past". This made the piece feel very life like.

I would have liked to have seen the ending come more 'full circle'. I felt like once the grandfather told the story of his past, the conversation just ended. It would have been nice to see a little more dialogue between the grandfather and grandson towards the end of the story.

I love the fact the grandfather had actually been one of THE shepherds who witnessed the birth of Jesus. That was a great choice in perspective!
This is very well crafted and pulls you right in. I love the story idea and the way you wrote it.

I do agree that a little more dialogue at the end between the man and his grandson would have rounded out the piece.

You're definitely on the right track though. Your message sings, just like the angels. Keep up the good work.
wonderful ! I think it just as it is, what a refreshing way to tell the "Christmas story" I could see this as a lovely children's story (illustrated) as well as one for adults. You have a real precious gift for story telling
Incredible, love it!
That night came alive for me.
Thank you. You took a timeless story and added your personal touch. Although Timothy faded into the background,Simon's "soliloquy"was brilliant.
The last line was the icing on the cake. No red ink here.:-)
I too loved the last line of this story. It was well done, and personally, I think more conversation at the end would have not been as good as the climax which you used. (Which all goes to show that it takes many styles to please everyone! :)
Very nice! Thanks!