Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Once in a Blue Moon (01/06/11)

TITLE: A Treasured Time
By Bonnie Bowden
01/08/11


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

A Treasured Time

Simon scratched his grizzled beard as he looked into the wide, brown eyes of his grandson, Timothy. His leathered, tan hand reached down to put another stick on the fire. Nowadays, the staff he once used to herd sheep, kept him upright. The worn, sturdy bag that held his few treasured possessions sat beside the rock. He knew it was time to pass down the story of his youth.
“Timothy, let’s go sit down over here,” Simon motioned. “I need to tell you what happened to me on that night many moons ago.”
Simon reached into the bag and pulled out the slingshot, stones, and the object he was looking for—a soft piece of cloth wrapped around a small splinter of wood. Immediately the memories of wonder and joy flooded his mind.
“It was my night to be the gatekeeper of the pen,” Simon began. I laid down in the only opening of the fence, ready to fight to death if need be, against the enemy. I was especially watchful because the night before Samuel had killed a snarling wolf prowling around the area.”
Out of nowhere, a brilliant light shone in my eyes. I was filled with both awe and fear. An angel of the Lord appeared to me and the other shepherds and said, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:10-11 NIV). The angel instructed us that the child could be found lying in a manger.
After the angels left us, we decided to go to Bethlehem in search of the baby. We hurried away so fast, it almost seemed like we were running.
Then before us, we saw the stable. Inside we found Mary and Joseph and the infant who was nestled in some hay in the manger. It just as the angel had told us. We immediately fell down on the ground in worship to the King. It was astonishing and humbling all at once. Why would God pick us, poor lowly shepherds to witness such an event as this?
It was then that I saw this small sliver of wood lying beside the manager. I asked Mary if I could keep this small remembrance of the birth. She graciously agreed. Then she handed me this small piece of swaddling cloth to wrap it in. The other shepherds and I were weeping with joy. We didn’t know exactly what we were feeling; the power in that room was overwhelming.
We all agreed to go into town and tell others what we had seen and heard. Many people were skeptical of what we had to say. They expected to see a grown king, not a baby in a common barn. This did not dampen our enthusiasm or purpose. We knew that we had found the true King. We who were protectors were now protected.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 325 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Nichole Hall01/13/11
I like how you started the piece with the grandfather talking to the grandson. I liked that he was "passing down" his heritage to him through "stories of his past". This made the piece feel very life like.

I would have liked to have seen the ending come more 'full circle'. I felt like once the grandfather told the story of his past, the conversation just ended. It would have been nice to see a little more dialogue between the grandfather and grandson towards the end of the story.

I love the fact the grandfather had actually been one of THE shepherds who witnessed the birth of Jesus. That was a great choice in perspective!
Nancy Bucca 01/13/11
This is very well crafted and pulls you right in. I love the story idea and the way you wrote it.

I do agree that a little more dialogue at the end between the man and his grandson would have rounded out the piece.

You're definitely on the right track though. Your message sings, just like the angels. Keep up the good work.
diana kay01/13/11
wonderful ! I think it just as it is, what a refreshing way to tell the "Christmas story" I could see this as a lovely children's story (illustrated) as well as one for adults. You have a real precious gift for story telling
Kim Hamlin01/13/11
Incredible, love it!
Lillian Rhoades 01/13/11
That night came alive for me.
Thank you. You took a timeless story and added your personal touch. Although Timothy faded into the background,Simon's "soliloquy"was brilliant.
The last line was the icing on the cake. No red ink here.:-)
Verna Mull01/15/11
I too loved the last line of this story. It was well done, and personally, I think more conversation at the end would have not been as good as the climax which you used. (Which all goes to show that it takes many styles to please everyone! :)
Jody Day 01/18/11
Very nice! Thanks!