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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Communication Breakdown (12/16/10)

TITLE: I Didn't Exactly Say That
By Wilma Schlegel


“You shall not surely die.” scoffed the prince - “Did you really believe that? Is that what you thought He meant?”

“Well, ... yes,” said Pretty Missy hesitantly.

“No, He’s just testing you, just trying to see if you’re‘woman’ enough to make your own decisions,” the prince argued. “Can you think on your feet? You gotta look out for ‘the big number one’, that’s who you are, you know. What are you going to do? Live your life wondering ‘what if???’”

“But He said not to,” Pretty Missy pathetically pleaded.

“Why did He put it there then? Tell me that,” pushed the prince.

She searched for an answer and came up with only a weak one. “Well, it’s beautiful, but - I don’t know - I’m so confused.”

“Of course you are, you pretty little thing, but I think deep inside you know what you gotta do, don’t you?” he flattered.

She gave a timid smile to the confident prince, drawing on his strength and answered, “Well, I guess ... but He said...”

“Now why are you so ready to listen to Him? What does He know? Has He ever been like you?” (What the prince knew, he’d never tell.)

“Well, I don’t know, I don’t think so,” came her weak reply.

“The sooner you stop buying everything He says, the sooner you’ll get your answers, assured the prince.

“But, I thought He’d tell me anything I needed to know,” Pretty Missy tried to reason.

“Oh please, He talks in parables, stories. He wants you to try to figure it out, but He knows you might not ever be able to. Now is that fair?" asked the prince.

Pretty Missy frowned.

"And I gotta tell you," he continued, "once you start enjoying the best stuff this life has to offer, beginning with the ‘forbidden fruit’ (even the name’s tantalizing, isn’t it?) you’ll know all you need to know. Why, you’ll be just like Him! Can I make it any simpler to understand?”

“Then why did He say I would surely die? Was He lying to me? That’s just not right” Pretty Missy reached out for the ruby red delight.

A slow sadistic grin spread across the face of the prince as he said, “I didn’t exactly say that, but come to think of it, maybe He was lying. I can see you’re starting to get it. I knew you were a smart one.”

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This article has been read 305 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Barbara Lynn Culler12/23/10
WOW! This is awesome! This should be a winner. Great job.
Justina Page12/23/10
Beautifully done!
Brenda Rice 12/25/10
This is one of my favorites. YOu did a good job of showing instead of telling and creating suspense. I liked the tone and the conversation between your characters. Great job. Merry Christmas
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/25/10
You did a good job in this retelling of original sin.
diana kay12/26/10
Good piece :-) clever but personally, being pernickity, I did not like the name of the "Eve" character. It felt a bit contrived and demeaning.... but there we are.. maybe that was the plan all along.
Jeanne E Webster 01/26/11
Well written and engaging plot. The reader feels a part of the seesawing back and forth between the tempter and the victim. You have great writing tools. Look forward to more of your offerings. Shalom :)