The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/23/10
You have some good dialogue going on here and I can clearly see how you were demonstrating the Challenge topic.

A couple of things, as you seek to hone the craft of writing: The only time you want to have a character and then lines is if you're writing a play (ex: Sally: "How are you today?"). But if you're telling a story, then you want to have it read like this: Sally said, "How are you today?"

Also, remember to include white space between thoughts and dialogue - it just makes it easier for your reader to follow your thoughts.

When you have long dialogue,with one character speaking, you want to break it up, perhaps describing the listener's reaction, or having the speaker pause - things like that. It will make your conversations more realistic.

Can you tell I'm a homeschooling mother? Critiquing comes easy to me! Honestly, you have a lot of potential. Keep working at your writing and you'll find yourself soaring through the ranks before you know it!
12/25/10
Thanks for sharing this article. As someone has suggested use spacing between paragraphs makes for easier reading. Keep writing.
Merry Christmas
You have a great start here. You just need to work on developing your characters more. Try telling us about their movements, facial expressions and body language. Keep writing and don't give up. God definitely wants you to tell your story. You show a lot of passion in your words.
12/26/10
i would have loved to know what the relationship between the two characters was... at first I thought it father and some but as it went on i was not so sure... lifelong animosity..... brothers perhaps?? some more development of the characters would help the reader engage with the story... you got the tension between the two well :-)