The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
12/25/10
The frustration of your main character comes through loud and clear and is accentuated by your poetic technique of repeating lines. Very good!
12/25/10
I like your poem although I find it sad. You expressed the feelings of your MC well. Merry Christmas
12/25/10
Wow...this spoke to me. I see the truth in this and it is sad, but common, I think. Seems like this could be a song, too. Thank you for sharing this. Merry Christmas!
This is outstanding. You brought tears to my eyes. I liked seeing the man's POV. Although I think a few verses from the wife's POV would have brought at home even stronger. This is absolutely one of my favorites!
12/26/10
a very heartfelt piece.... i think it would be even stronger if it was all written in the first person rather than just the repeated verses..... i disagree with the other comment about adding verses from the wife's point of view it is all the more powerful being his inner thoughts.
01/26/11
This is very "musical." Maybe a rap song? Well said, even if she didn't hear. Shalom :)