When I found out they were living together, I felt like I’d been punched. We’d had our suspicions, but finding out for sure hit me hard. Her father and I had planned to spend the night at her apartment, but after learning the news, we made the two hour trip home. I was stunned, sad and needed to talk to someone.
At work the next week some friends asked me why I didn’t seem like myself. I told them about my daughter. I should have seen it coming, but I wasn’t prepared for the responses I got.
“Oh, don’t be upset! Your baby has grown up, she has her own life, it’s a good thing!” said one friend.
“Cheer up, she’ll still need her mom,” said another.
“No, that’s not it,” I tried to explain. Was I speaking in a foreign language? “I don’t mind that she’s moved away and has her own place - I wish it was her own place- I didn’t raise her to...”
The raised eyebrows and stares told me to let it go; I knew they didn’t speak my ‘language’ here, I should have kept my mouth shut.
It’s so hard to be a Christian in this world. Sometimes I feel like Elijah in I Kings chapter 19 when he has just successfully called upon God to burn up the water-drenched sacrifice, but then he feels like he’s the only prophet of God left. God showed Elijah that that wasn’t true and I know it’s not true for me either, but sometimes I feel so different, isolated, alone.
Even some Christian friends have given me questionable advice.
“Don’t offend her, you don’t want to lose her.”said one.
No, I don’t, I thought. That’s why when she came home from college using words we didn’t use at home I let her know I didn’t appreciate it, but then let it go, just like friends told me to do. I tried to turn my head when she watched certain television shows, too.
Have I been speaking in a foreign language to her all these years? Where did I go wrong?
Or am I the one who is wrong?
Maybe I am. Even my own siblings disagree with me. When they found out how ‘inappropriately’ I had reacted to my daughter’s living arrangement they comforted her saying my ideas were ‘outdated’, ‘ridiculously old-fashioned’ and ‘I’d better get myself into the twenty-first century’.
I was hurt that they didn’t speak to me privately with their concerns, but instead spoke against me behind my back. I wasn’t taught to talk about someone behind their back, where did my siblings learn this?
It’s been over a year now since my daughter has been living with her (now) fiancé. I’ve been to their apartment because I love her (though I don’t love her lifestyle). I was uncomfortable when she showed me their bedroom. Again, do I speak a foreign language? How could she not know this would bother me?
It is very hard to be a Christian in this world. Sometimes I know I don’t act when I should, and sometimes I’m afraid I over-react when I shouldn’t.
I pray for wisdom and understanding and grace. And when I feel isolated and alone, I know it’s time to be meeting together with other Christians as Hebrews 10:25 tells us to.
Meanwhile, I must remember “This world is not my home, I’m just a passing through”.*
*This World is Not My Home, Lyrics by S. D. Burton
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.