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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Billboard/Poster/Sign (any or all) (12/02/10)

TITLE: The Back Door
By Ken Ebright


“Community Of The Cross Church, this is Bill, how can I help you? “

“Do you have a back door?” asked Dave.

Bill sounded frustrated, “Excuse me! I don’t know what you mean?”

Dave’s voice sounded hurried, “I am on my way to your church, do you have a side or back door that I can slip in without anyone noticing?”

“Who is this?”

"I'am sorry, I'am Dave Moore. You may have heard me on the radio. The Lord has blessed me with a Christian talk show on a secular station. Have you heard of 91.1 talk FM?"

Bill smiled, “Yes I have.”

“Because the station advertises my program, my face is on the side of buses and on street corners. I'am looking for a new church. I'am a high profile Christian that wants to worship Jesus just like everyone else. I don't want to discuss politics, I want to worship Jesus. Do you have a side or back door that I can slip into?”

Bill sounded sad, “Not really, I'am sorry.”

“Okay, thanks for your help anyway.”

Dave arrived at the church. The first person that he saw was a young man with a black haired beard. “Hey aren’t you Dave Moore?"

A look of fear came over Dave’s face, “Ah… ah… ah…yes I am.”

The man with the beard smiled, “I loved your show on Prop 8.”

“Thank you,” Dave walked over to the door of the sanctuary.

The usher at the door handed Dave a bulletin. “Hey, aren’t you Dave Moore?”

Dave smiled at him and walked in and found a seat.

There was a grey harried lady was reading her Bible; she looked up. “Welcome to our church, I know you; you’re that Dave Moore, the guy that does that radio show.”

Before he said anything the music started and Dave got up and started to sing.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Christine Ramey12/09/10
You have a very good story but a couple of things to be careful about. Trust me I'm guilty of it too. Always check the punction. I noticed every time you were trying to say "I am" you used I' am. This is in correct. Use either or not the same. I also felt as if there was more to this story it felt as if it stopped in the middle of a line. Be careful of that you don't want to loose your reader. Had these two things not been there it would have been an excellent story, great content! Keep writing. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/10/10
This is a good example of how celebrities must feel when they are seeking solace. I really applaud you for trying to use more contractions. It sounds much more believable as a dialog. Just be careful of the spelling with contractions the apostrophe is usually placed where the missing letter is like I'm here the apostrophe takes the place of the a. But that's no big deal the important part is you are trying really hard to make your dialog sound more natural.

As for the ending I really liked it. After several people star gazing and only interested in the new member because he is a local celebrity finally a member took the time to welcome him to church. The relief he must have felt is palpable. Finally he was able to worship without being bombarded by fans. Great job keep at it!
Verna Mull 12/10/10
This was very interesting, but I would have liked to have heard a little more, although it does provoke a lot of thoughts.