The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/10/05
Oh you give me hope for the male of species! I read this with a huge smile on my face from start to finish. I would like to have known more about Victor - his background, and perhaps more about the day with him that you describe. How did he describe the spiritual and physical things? Very nicely told though. Cheered up my day nicely! God bless.
10/10/05
Good story. One thing I noticed was this line: "But I have a friend named Victor. Victor was different." You start out in present tense and then move to past.

You did a good job describing, and I especially liked the first few paragraphs. Good job!
10/10/05
I agree with Alexandra's comment; I would also like to have been told more about
Victor. The point where he changed your perspective on life would have been a great place to expand. If the moment was so important, show the reader what happened.
My own husband is an odd mix of clueless Neanderthall and sensitivity, maybe he once new a Victor... :)
10/10/05
My husband is a "Victor". Thoroughly enjoyed this - especially the admittal to being a neanderthal sometimes. :)
10/11/05
Although the tense shift bothered me, I think the loose end concerning Victor was a mystery Plus, leaves us wanting more. Fairly well written overall. Thank you.
10/11/05
How important to find a Victor in life! Someone to extend your thoughts and visions. I enjoyed this story very much.
10/12/05
You have a witty voice and a very readable style. Watch for consistency of tense, and you'll have a top-notch story.
10/12/05
I thought a woman was writing this at first. What a funny surprise to see that you were including yourself in this group. Ha! I, too, would like to know HOW your day with Victor changed your life. Very interesting story.
10/13/05
You have a great opening here - I was hooked immediately. I agree with the others, though, that what Victor said and did on that crucial day is the cruz of the story and should definitely be expanded.
10/13/05
It was nice to see this story from a man's perspective. I enjoyed it!
10/13/05
I'm going to echo what many other people have said. Tell us more about Victor, especially the day he showed you the flowers. What did he tell you? Why did it have such an impact?
10/13/05
An ammendment to my previous comment.... It is well written over all. I too was smiling when I read it. Who (of the female species) knew there were different types of spit?
10/15/05
This was a fun story! Thank you for the glimpse into your and other men's heads. :-)
10/16/05
What a nice story. There are many Victor's out there! Thanks for sharing it.
10/17/05
I loved the story. Felt like I was talking with you face to face!! More of victor like the others have said would make for fine print! I can see a mini book or is it called a novelle? anyway God bless.
01/15/06
I could do without the "spit" and the "belching" - (smile) - but the rest of the story was a masterpiece! And, contrary to what the others said, I found no confusion in tense, and I didn't need to know anymore about Victor! You told me all I needed to know = and that's what makes the piece so well written! Loved it! As is!