The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
11/25/10
Good structure and spread of emotion here as you've built your story. Strong realistic feel to your MC and her relationship with her brother.
11/26/10
A very exciting story, but I hate not knowing the ending.
You did a good job building the suspense of the story. I'd to have liked to learn a bit more from the brother's POV. I liked how he prayed and worried about his little sister. Great job!
11/30/10
Well written,full of suspense with plenty of descriptives. Not sure if the 750 word cut-off impacted your ending, but the ending fell somewhat short, in my opinion:-)