The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You took on a tough topic and did a good job showing some of Brad's fear. Try working on making the dialog just a tad more realistic. Listen to peole and watch their movements this week. Then try to describe what you see and hear. You are doing a great job. Keep writing. Your story has a lot of suspense and is important for a lot of people to read during difficult times.
This is well-written, but oh how I hate cliff-hangers! Wouldn't be so bad if it were continued after 20 minutes of advertising! :)
You stayed on topic. I would also suggest you read other articles perhaps from Level 4 to see how to make your dialgoue a bit more realistic.

Also, as you develop your story, try to make it more authentic.
In the real world, I'm not sure if waiting three or four hours to follow-up on a suicide occurs very often, if at all. I encourage you to continue writing.