The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/11/10
This is a funny story. Most of us are guilty of jumping to conclusions at times. I have one constructive comment: it would be much easier to read broken up into paragraphs. You might find some helpful examples by reading other submissions. Otherwise, a fun theme and important moral.
11/11/10
I wanted to clarify my last comment because it is not like you didn't use paragraphs at all. I was mainly referring to dialogue. Conversation is usually broken up into paragraphs. In the long, middle paragraph both characters are speaking and it is a bit confusing.
11/12/10
One drawback to instant communication is the onslaught of anxiety attacks like this one. Your MC has lots of company. Cute story.
This is well done. I liked how you built up the MC's panic little by little. Nice job.
11/13/10
Oh how familiar this sounds. I have actually planned my hubby's funeral when he was late and then wanted to kill him when he came home safe. I like the take on the topic and the tension you showed with your MC. Allowing each person speaking to be a new paragraph would make the dialogue easier to follow. But I followed it and enjoyed it.
Thank you for the advice! I need help and critiquing. Bless you all! ;)