The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/04/10
Great story concept. I really liked the names of all the sisters. I like how Sister Worshiper was able to help a newborn Christian without being harsh and how Sister Newborne willingly accepted the correction. Good job.
I love your clever names. They must have taken a lot of thought.

You have a few problems with sentence structure and some sentence fragments but that can be fixed with just a little practice. Try showing instead of telling For example Sister frowned, her eyebrows furrowed down into her face instead of Sister said in an upset voice. Paint a picture for the reader.

You've got a really good start on a good idea. Your passion for the Bible really shows through. You've done a great job in finding Bible verses. Your voice carries a lot of enthusiasm in it. Keep writing.
11/06/10
I guess this a sort of a repeat of other comments, but I too loved the names of the people. A great job in getting across the correct way to look at gossip. Good job.
11/07/10
Nice job--the names made it read like a modern-day Pilgrim's Progress.