The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/19/05
If the hotel is there to serve the needs of others, then obviously Stephen is there to meet Jason's needs. But who is there for Stephen? Does he live there? Maybe tie up a few loose ends, and you'll have an effective allegory.
09/22/05
Hmmmm.... it provokes the thoughts it does. Good though. Thumbs up, bud!
09/27/05
Jillian, this was a very good entry and rated very well with the Level 1 judges last week. You actually ranked 7th out of the 44 Level 1 entries - so well done.

Just keep an eye out for your punctuation - you need some commas and extra full-stops! This sentence, for example: "Last year all I could do was work for the next promotion even though I had plenty of money to provide for my family I wanted more." It really needed to be something like: "Last year all I could do was work for the next promotion. Even though I had plenty of money to provide for my family, I wanted more."

Other than that though, it was a good message and you are definitely heading in the right direction. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)