The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/28/10
I liked your story very much and how you worked in the letter from Jared at the end of it. Be very careful in proofing your work. At least twice I found a was left out. Other than that, I found this story kept my attention. blessings...
Wow this is an intense piece. You did a great job of pulling me into the story. The message is great! Well done!
10/30/10
Very heartbreaking!

Be careful about mixing metaphors; in one sentence you have both an avalanche and an ocean.

I'd be very interested in knowing what happened between the letter and Jared's suicide, too. Maybe that will be another entry...
Congratulations for placing 7th in level 1!