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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Writing a Letter (handwritten correspondence) (10/21/10)

TITLE: My Darling Invincible!
By Bola M. Eyinla


My Love,

As the sun shines through my window, I rolled over in bed. My heart racing as memories of you invades my heart. The smell of vinegar and gall convinces me that I am fully awake now.

I am writing you this letter to let you know that I was there that day at Golgotha. As raindrops of tears streamed down my cheeks, I followed the crowd. “If I could just get between you and the crowd, maybe I can do something to stop this” I mumbled to myself. But the crowd was overwhelming and I felt weak. The sight of blood trailing your forehead made me feel like a dagger had pierced my heart. I scream and cried until my tears were spent.

Inspired by my parents, the beating, whipping, thumping, jesting, mocking, continued. “Leave him alone” I growled! But this only made things worse. The horror of watching you tortured for loving me, grieved me, and I could not bear it. Then I looked up to heaven and screamed “Father, why and how much longer?”

“I know how to stop this,” I thought to myself. “I will kill myself” I muttered! So, I took off in the opposite direction. Towards the river, I ran, to drown myself and my sorrow. “Yes, I will end this!”

As the clouds turned from gray to black, I went down on my knees. “Father, forgive me for what I am about to do” I whispered… And into the deep of the river Jordan, I plunged…

At the sound of the wind whistling and rain battering the roof, now drenched in my own sweat, I seemed to have rolled over again, in bed. Only this time certain that I am awake, for, I smell bacon, muffins and scrambled eggs. I hear the children whispering “why are you crying mommy?”

“Thank God, It was only a nightmare” I mumbled to myself. I gave each of my two children a hug and a kiss. Then as I looked up, I saw him! I mean my husband, the love of my life, the man of my dreams. His arms stretched out and drawing me into a big hug. “Oh, no, it was not about this love!” It was all about You!

I am not only writing to let you know what I suffered on that day, but to thank you for rescuing me. I mean, the day I plunged into the river Jordan in an attempt to escape it all. The day Your perfect love saved me. Yours is the kind of love that is unmerited and unrivaled. The kind of love that can not be described or fathomed by my mortal soul, a gift above all gifts! For me to say I love you as much as you love me would be an understatement. This love is the flawless love on which my existence is guaranteed and warranted.

It is because of Your love that my spirit finds rest and peace. This love unbridled, has given me the courage to write this letter. My broken heart has been mended by the blood You shed for me at Golgotha that day. Oh! How I am completed by the prayers you endow me. Invincible, in my heart you will always be, my rock and my love. Never again would there be another love, so indestructible and so pure.

In Your blood I have found healing, salvation, joy, love and peace. And because of the shame you endured on my behalf, there are no more chains holding me. From the water that flowed from your side, everlasting love I claim.

I love you with all my heart and thank you for giving your life for me. You are and will always be my Darling invincible!

With all my love,

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This article has been read 548 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laura Manley10/28/10
While the premise of your story is one that is a deep reminder for us all about Jesus' love, I found that you jumped from tense to tense. Even in the first sentence, it would seem you have present and past tense - "shines" and "rolled." Other than that I found this letter one of great compassion and appreciation. blessings...
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/30/10
Your words are full of passion, and your love is quite apparent.

The tense did change at times and I felt a tad confused but I can tell you poured your heart out in the writing of this.

Don't ever lose that passion and desire.
Jan Ackerson 10/30/10
There's a lot of deep feeling here!

A few notes: if you've signed your own name to this letter, it may compromise the 'anonymous' aspect of the Writing Challenge. Best to choose a 'pen name' if it's going to appear on your entry. And the 'it was a dream' device is sometimes a let-down to readers. It's obvious that you've got a great imagination--I'll bet you can find other ways to resolve the conflict.

Thanks for this entry--you're a very intriguing writer.
Rachel Phelps10/30/10
This story has some lovely description in it and it definitely held my interest.

I agree with what has already been said, and just wanted to say that there was a lot of "telling" - "I felt this," etc. Rather than say that, use your wonderful creativity to show the reader how it felt.

Keep writing.
Catrina Bradley 10/30/10
Your talent and your heart shine in your writing. Some beautiful and agonizing descriptions. I was confused by the middle part, with breakfast and the family, and don't see how it fits. Watch your tenses - reading your story out loud will help you catch those errors. I'm sure from what I read here that you'll grow as a writer, and I'm looking forward to following your progress!
Nancy Sullivan 10/31/10
I enjoyed this very much. Your passion truly shines through. One small suggestion would be to capitalize any pronouns refering to Jesus (God/The Holy Spirit). That helps keep the reader on track and always sets the Trinity apart. Great job.