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Wistfully Said
“No, you absolutely cannot stay out 'til two o'clock in the morning,” I ordered.
“But it's the Homecoming Dance,” Kera pleaded as she stomped off to her room.
This exchange between my daughter and me brought back memories of my own mother. Oh, I have many memories of encounters with my mom – some bad, mostly good. I miss her with all my heart. Yes, she died over 20 years ago – a sudden death that crushed my spirit and scarred my heart forever. My only consolation is the assurance of Jesus that she is in heaven. She was a wonderful Christian, who loved the Lord.
Sometimes I need her advice or comfort, and I call out her name. I pretend to ask for her wisdom, and I often heed what I think would be her answer. Other times I grieve about the things I wish I would have said when she was alive.
If I only had the chance to talk with her for one day, here is what we'd say . . .
“Mommy, Mommy, I miss you; I miss you! I love you! You look radiant, like an angel.”
“It's Jesus' glory shining through me. And, I miss you although I know a little bit about how you're faring on earth.”
“Mom, I'm so sorry that I took you for granted while you were alive. I just didn't appreciate you. I loved and respected you, but I think you spoiled me.”
“Yes, I did. I doted on you. When you were little, you were my little cherub, my little doll. With your curly blonde locks and your big blue eyes, people would stop me on the street to tell me how beautiful you were,” she said proudly.
“Oh, Mom! It's just because I looked like you.”
“Actually everyone agreed that you looked like your dad.”
“He really was a handsome man. Too bad he drank so much. I don't know how you put up with that – cold dinners, waiting for him to come home, ruined holidays.” Tears dampened my eyes.
“Yes, it was very hard. I loved your dad with all my heart, but I couldn't stand his drinking. Only the Lord pulled me through that time. In two instances I was going to leave him, but I didn't want to be a single mom. I didn't have a place to go or someone to help me.”
“Daddy finally woke up and quit drinking after you died. He's also gone back to the faith of his childhood, and now he's saved.”
“Yes, I know that. All the angels in heaven rejoiced, especially me.” she glowed.
“It would have been a lot nicer, more wholesome, if he didn't drink. But you always tried to maintain a Christian home. We learned Bible verses, said grace, and prayed together. Best of all you took us to church. I didn't want to go many times, but you insisted. I'm glad you did.”
“I know that you love the Lord and are serving him with your life. It makes me sing for joy.”
“Mom, you also taught me how to be and act like a lady, and I'm thankful for that in this gender-confused world. You taught me hospitality, cleanliness and order, and responsibility.”
“There's so many irresponsible people these days. I wonder what happened to the American work ethic and dream.”
“With this economy, it's fading. But, Dad and you always met our needs and even more. You even sacrificed your needs for our wants. One thing I want to apologize for was the time I was attending community college. Even though you had important things to do, you always let me use your car. I took it for granted then and didn't appreciate the privilege.”
“You were self-involved and only concerned with yourself. But, I understood that you wanted and education and needed a car.”
“Most of all I deeply regret my “shotgun” wedding. I knew I disappointed you and caused you horrible grief. I'm so, so sorry.” I trembled with remorse.
“You shattered my heart like nothing ever did before. I was so proud and had such dreams for you. But, I can see things turned out all right. I forgive you, and I'll always love you.”
When it ended, I cherished this conversation.
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