The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/21/10
I love your story and the message. I would suggest using separate paragraphs for actual conversation so that the dialogue is not lost in the narrative.
This is a great story. I'm so glad he decided to work harder at his marriage.

Just a couple of editing notes- make sure you start a new paragraph for each speaker. Doubling spacing between paragraphs can help too. I also noticed the second time you used the word compliment I think you wanted the one that is spelled complement.

This is the perfect true love story and I enjoyed it from beginning to end.
10/21/10
This is a P.S. for you and all Beginner Level challengers. I hope you have time to read some of the Master Level submissions. There's a lot to learn from your fellow FWs. I'm sure they won't mind.:-)
10/23/10
This went a different dierection than I expected--that's a good thing!

Your writing shows considerable potential. A small thing not previously mentioned: ellipses are typically only three dots, and should be used very sparingly.

I like the way your approached the topic here.
Wonderful story with such a good message. I agree with the above comments on the spacing. Just for easier reading. Good work!
10/25/10
Good story and great ending! It would be more readable with spaces and change of paragraphs for the dialogue, but is basically very "on topic" and I enjoyed it.
Congratulations for placing10th in your level!