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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Conversation (face to face) (10/07/10)

TITLE: Man of My Dreams
By Wilma Schlegel
10/07/10


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“Maybe ‘face to face’doesn’t have to mean literally ‘face to face’. Maybe it could mean...,” the glimmer of a revelation in my mind dimmed a little as I tried to put my thoughts into words.
“Kindred spirit to kindred spirit,” my daughter finished. We were driving home from the grocery store and talking about methods of communicating.
“Yes!” I happily agreed. “I am so blessed to have you for a daughter, you always seem to be able to finish my sentences.”
“We think alike,” she smiled.
I thought about pleasant conversations I’d had with her, then sighed in frustration as I thought about my husband. “You know when I was young, I envisioned myself spending hours smiling across a table, holding hands and having long, meaningful conversations with the man of my dreams.”
We both laughed.
“When I talk to your dad I’m usually talking to the back of his head while he’s watching a Nascar race or football. I don’t even think he hears me most of the time.”
“That’s not really true, Mom, he asks you to repeat things.”
“Yes, yes - I’ve heard him say ‘I’m sorry’ more times than I can count.”
“You say something, he doesn’t hear you, he says - ” she waits for me to finish for her.
“I’m sorry?” I fill in.
“He says ‘I’m sorry’. He’s sorry to make you repeat yourself. He wants to know what you say.”
“Yes, he does, doesn’t he?” I can’t suppress a small smile.
We’re quiet for a short time and then she asks, “Remember when you two were remodeling the kitchen?”
“Yes,” I answer. “I asked him to put a drawer or storage area under the dishwasher like I saw in a home improvement brochure.”
“You wouldn’t have to bend down so far to load and unload - it would be easier on your back.”
“Exactly. And he said it would be an awful lot of figuring - a lot of extra work. I consoled myself by remembering that many women don’t even have dishwashers.”
“Then, a couple of weeks later...” she prodded.
“I came home from work and he was working over near the now-raised-above-counter-level dishwasher and asking me what I wanted to keep in my new kitchen drawer.”
We smile and are quiet again. Then softly she asks, “Mom, do you think that he used to envision the woman of his dreams spending hours jumping up and down cheering for his favorite team with him?”


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This article has been read 336 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/21/10
You did a great job with the mother-daughter dialog. I have that kind of relationship with my daughters. It's nice when they become adults they also can become close friends.

You might want to double-space between paragraphs to make it easier to read.

All in all a good message.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/21/10
You did a great job with the mother-daughter dialog. I have that kind of relationship with my daughters. It's nice when they become adults they also can become close friends.

You might want to double-space between paragraphs to make it easier to read.

All in all a good message.
Nichole Hall10/21/10
I like the dialogue between the mother daughter too. You've done really well on this. I could visualize the conversation. I did have some confusion on who was actually speaking during the "sorry" portion of the piece. But all in all I thought you did a good job!
Jan Ackerson 10/22/10
Good twist at the end--wise daughter!

I felt that at times the dialog felt unrealistic, and I'd have liked a bit more action or characterization to help me to know the characters better.

Good use of the topic word...keep up the good work!
Cheryl Harrison 10/22/10
This gave me that "warm fuzzy" feeling. The last sentence made me smile. Good job!
Author Unknown10/23/10
This is a cute story and I like how this conversation helped shift the mom's focus, to remind her that her husband was listening.

Definitely play around w/ the preview button & the spaces before submitting next time. You don't want to lose a reader over something so easy to fix (though I know sometimes it just slips and then it's too late).

And I agree, the dialogue needs to be a little clearer- tags, spacing, and making sure you've just gone one person speaking/acting/thinking per paragraph will help.

Great job, keep writing!
Genia Gilbert10/24/10
I liked the message of your "conversation." I think God gives us people beyond our dreams and it takes us awhile to recognize it.
Lollie Hofer 10/25/10
Good story line, smart daughter, great ending. Keep up the good work.