The Official Writing Challenge
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Great entry! Unique take on the topic and well written. I like how you include so much body language and show the reader what is happening rather than just tell them. Great job!
This is a great story. I love kid's stories maybe because I'm still a kid at heart. This is well written and you did a good job with it. My only suggestion would be to let the MC come up with the solution. Kids hear adults telling them things all day they like to read stories where Mom points them in the direction but the kid figures out the answer themselves. This could easily be a tween book. I hope you keep working on it. You've set up a great story!
09/12/10
Excellent story. One can really empathize. keep writing and publishing!
09/15/10
This was very well-done and drew me, as the reader. You won't be in the Beginner level for long!
Congratulations for placing in the top 10 of your level!