The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
There were numerous mechanical problems, but a well-realized character and an important lesson. Perhaps a peer editor could help with punctuation and run-on sentences. Keep writing!
A good storyline with a great message. I think your beginning would have more punch if you took out the first few lines and just started with the "It was very windy..." sentence.
Nice story. The twist at the end reminds me of events that happen in real life. Be careful with your punctuation and paragraph spacing.
Gotta have some more feeling when writing about the salvation. It's something supernatural that happens. It's not just like "Duh. I didn't know." It's not like he's telling him a new corner store opened up. This is the meaning of life here. Good work but more feeling, not telling. That's a bore.
unlike one of the above critique's I thought the opening sentence was funny and that's why I continued to read the piece; because for me and others like me, you've got to catch me with the opening line or I'm not going to continue the read. However; I also agree that some of it was to matter of fact and lacked feeling. Over all a good story.