The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/19/05
There were numerous mechanical problems, but a well-realized character and an important lesson. Perhaps a peer editor could help with punctuation and run-on sentences. Keep writing!
09/20/05
A good storyline with a great message. I think your beginning would have more punch if you took out the first few lines and just started with the "It was very windy..." sentence.
09/21/05
Nice story. The twist at the end reminds me of events that happen in real life. Be careful with your punctuation and paragraph spacing.
09/22/05
Gotta have some more feeling when writing about the salvation. It's something supernatural that happens. It's not just like "Duh. I didn't know." It's not like he's telling him a new corner store opened up. This is the meaning of life here. Good work but more feeling, not telling. That's a bore.
unlike one of the above critique's I thought the opening sentence was funny and that's why I continued to read the piece; because for me and others like me, you've got to catch me with the opening line or I'm not going to continue the read. However; I also agree that some of it was to matter of fact and lacked feeling. Over all a good story.