The back of the creature would make a smooth ride.
But he chose the whip, for it tugged at his pride.
He gave it a yank, but did not tell his wife,
A fact he’d regret for the rest of his life.
The tail throws him high, then it swings him down low.
The thrill lasts one second, then pivots to woe.
The cork on his bottle is ready to pop.
Then comes a swift flip for a dizzying drop.
Up rush the cookies he gorged on for lunch,
Splattered with droplets of strawberry punch.
But what shock awaits on that blistering seat!
Her back gives no cushion against the dire heat.
Each slouch brings an ouch to his sensitive crotch,
Reminding him of the good fight he did botch.
Oh why did he ever succumb to that dare,
Slinking on tiptoes toward the foul lair?
Was it the flap of intriguing, green sails;
The mischievous lure of those musical scales;
Or the pitiful tears from her crocodile eyes,
Awash in a whirlpool of pretty, white lies?
With a “Yum in my tum” and a smack of the lips,
She conquers the dog with a few giddy flips,
Saying, “My food is fabulous, my games are fun.
Come eat with me, and you’ll score a home run!”
“Ah - ah - ah choo!” From her snout flies a sneeze,
Spewing red embers upon the warm breeze.
The coals smack his skin with annoying red boils.
Itching to pop them, a hand he recoils.
But just as he scratches, she does a side roll,
Banging his head on a telephone pole.
He scrambles for poise as a baseball-sized bump
Reminds him that he is a second-class chump.
“Don’t worry, kiddo. Just hold to your seat.
If you feel sick, I’ve a sweet little treat.
You’ve got to believe me, it’s yummy yum yum,
For it comes from the tum of your chummy chum chum.”
She burps a big belch and a pretty pink pill
Bursts from the depths of the gurgling swill.
He’s not sure he wants it, but “Lizzy” is fast.
She wants to make sure that the torture will last.
A swift, slimy move of her slippery tongue
Pops in the pill and the damage is done.
The bitter concoction his bowels does chafe.
No part of this beast is in any way safe!
“Great, I’m addicted now! Gee, thanks a lot!
Oh how I hate to be put on the spot!”
Once again he is the butt of her joke.
Ah - but it seems that the dragon doth choke!
He laughs as she gags on a hot lava ball,
But then eats his words when the beast starts to fall.
Mocking, she taunts him. Oh what a mean trick!
“Yum in my tum.” Oh, those words sound so slick!
Down he does tumble, right into the pot.
He never expected a cauldron so hot.
Though “imbalanced chemicals” play the blame game,
He knows they don’t make his excuses less lame.
Amidst swirling acids of anger and grief,
He cries, “Lord, have mercy! Please give me relief!
I cannot control this un-lick-able snake
That landed me here in this fiery lake!
“My feelings have gotten the better of me.
They’re eating my insides unmercifully.
I thought I could fix all this discord and strife.
But Lord, I’m a stinker! Please come, save my life!”
A hush. Then a coo. Then a feeling of peace.
Down from above floats a soothing release.
Rays of bright light from the wings of a dove
Beam him to heavenly places above.
Gazing at Christ on His glorious throne,
He basks in the knowledge that he’s not alone.
The passion that flows from the Lord’s nail-scarred hands
Has conquered his heart. He at last understands:
“Dear Jonah, emotion’s a wonderful thing,
When yielded to me and the joy that I bring.
But if you’d be free of that discord and strife,
Then you’d better apologize to your poor wife.”
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