“Tim,” I said as I tried to make eye contact with my son. “It’s time to turn off the TV and go clean your room.” though I knew he wouldn’t.
This was something I didn’t look forward to, and normally tried to avoid it, but today Melissa was coming over and I’d rather go through a breakdown then to deal with the looks and questions about the toys lined just so and everything else that was in perfect order in this ten year-olds room.
Melissa was our apartment landlady. There was a hole in Tim’s room that need to be covered, I’d do it myself if I didn’t know it would give another strike against me. Melissa and North Valley apartments ran things on a tight ship.
I took in a breath then prepared myself for the breakdown. Not only was I asking him to turn off his show and clean his room, but so that an unplanned guest could come mess around in his room. Another thing I tried to avoid sudden changing of plans. Melissa had called me back this morning when Tim was at school and told me she would be by at four and I couldn’t talk her into another time.
When I saw he wasn’t making any move to listen or look at me, I reached over and hit the power button on the television.
“Mom no. no. no. no. You can’t turn off McGee and Me!” His hand started flapping then. He’d saw the show on TBN one morning and been obsessed with watching it since, I had to get all the DVDs.
I took another breath to him took his hand and drew him close. Doing this got his attention so I could get him to look at me.
“Look Tim,” I tried to remain calm. “The movie will be right here waiting once you’re done, but you need to go clean your room. Ms. Melissa is coming over to fix the hole in your wall. I need you to clean up,” He lashed in my grasp and shook his head and repeated ‘no’ over and over again. I had to raise my voice to be heard.
“Tim you can put everything back once she’s done.” But it fell on ears that were closed off. He was unreachable as he broke down and once again the autism gained its chance to rule. I let go of his ragging hands that were too much for me to control.
I took in a pitiful breath, crestfallen a tear slide down my cheek. I came behind him bringing him down to the ground; it was a struggle--he was getting stronger--and I placed my weight on him.
“Shh…Shh Tim, ‘God is in control we believe that His children will not be forsaken” I sang softly in his ear. “God is in control we will choose to remember and never be shaken there is no power above or beside Him, we know God is in control, oh God is in control…”’ it was his favorite song and it clamed him, but it took awhile when he was this worked up. He lashed around hitting me in the face with the hand that got free.
“He has never let you down why start to worry now? He is still the Lord of all we see and He is still the loving Father watching over you and me” I continued to sing as I pressed his arm back down and applied more pressure to his body. It was in moments like this, where the only way to help him was to sing to him and press all my weight on him till the storm passed that I felt hopeless.
Just then Tim stopped his lashing just before joining in.
“Every little sparrow, every little thing.” We stood getting into the chorus.
“GOD is in CONTROL we believe that His children will not be forsaken GOD is in CONTROL we will choose to remember and never be shaken there is no power above or beside Him, we know GOD is in CONTROL, oh GOD is in CONTROL!”
I laughed then I love watching him rejoice and praise God, so joyous. It was then watching him sing ‘God is in control’ that I felt peace and happiness; I would never do anything over. I loved Tim with all my heart, it didn’t matter if he was autistic, God Is In Control!
Song: God is in control by Twila Paris
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