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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hotel/Motel (09/12/05)

TITLE: Yahtzee
By Paul Potenza



I donít know about you, but I like to go away. Of course I would never admit this to my bride. I have to act like each time I go away is heartbreakingly painful. I go through all the ďnoisesĒ that will assure her that every minute away from her will be pure agony. But really I canít wait for the opportunity to call room service. Ha HA!!

It isnít that I want to leave her. I love her so much and would rather spend time with her than ANY other human being on the face of the planet. But my company sends me to the Philippines a lot. When Iím gone, I get treated like a ďBig ShotĒ as opposed to what I am, which is not even a ďsmall shotĒ. I get limo rides and respect and really, just about anything that I desire. When I come home I get to take out the garbage and clean the gutters. Itís sad really.

Iíll call her from Manilla and listen to her tell me about all the things that are bothering her and Iíll realize that I miss her. Afterwards, Iíll take a stroll through the balmy Metro-Manilla night and pretend that Iím an international spy. Iíll try the exotic dishes that they have to offer and Iíll imagine meeting HER on some secluded avenue. She, the beautiful American runaway, and I, the aloof, but passionate patriot with cruel yet handsome eyes. I have won her favor. I take her back to my hotel room where we spend the night playing Yahtzee.

Thatís right!!! Yahtzee!!! You see, my wife LOVES Yahtzee.

In my hotel room is a table that is PERFECT for playing the game. Itís oak, with a light green and yellow ceramic top that reminds you of the colors of Fall Weíre on the 23rd floor, with a beautiful view of the city at night. We get in small conversations about our future and our past. And I wish I was home to take out the garbage and clean the gutters and hold her in my arms and play Yahtzee with her and tell her that I love her.

Thatís where the money comes in. Because when Iím feeling like that, I have to call her, no matter the cost. Sheís ALWAYS glad to hear from me.

Hotels and Motels are great.

But you canít beat HOME.

Excuse me, but I have been told that I canít play Yahtzee until the garbage is taken out.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 09/19/05
This is sweet and funny. My only suggestion is to edit "...ceramic top that reminds you of the colors of Fall..." to lose the "you". Very well done!
sandra snider09/20/05
this was very nice, and it held my interest all the way (try level 2 next time!), but for me, I would like to see a spiritual component to the story because this is Faithwriters.com
Garnet Miller 09/21/05
I love to go traveling as well. But, like you said, there's no place like home. Nice take on the topic.
Shari Armstrong 09/23/05
Very cute! I like the imaginary adventure thrown in :)
Deborah Porter 09/26/05
Paul, I am definitely watching you each week in the Challenge. I like your style and your sense of humor. I see a lot of potential. With a few tweaks and a bit of polish, I think you'll do very well.

With the comment someone made about writing from a more "faith" type angle, that isn't a requirement of the challenge. Entries have to be from a Christian point of view, but they don't have to mention anything to do with God at all. They just can't have the "hero" doing or getting away with anything that goes against Christian belief. Your relationship with your wife fell quite well within the guidelines.

Also, don't feel pressured to move up a level because someone suggests it - unless that someone is me. You can move up whenever you feel ready, but basically, if you are a relatively new writer and haven't placed yet, then you deserve your time to shine on Level 1. Being on Level 1 doesn't have any bearing on whether you win in the Editors' Choice or not - that's open for all. So why move up where the Level Champion competion is stronger, if you don't have to.

Anyway Paul, as I said, I definitely keeping an eye out for you in the Challenge each week. Keep honing your work and I'll keep cheering you on. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
B Brenton10/19/05
Nice style. I found your stuff through reviewing Yolanda's. You're good... a little too good (heh-heh). Can't wait to see what you have instore for the fruit challenge.
Edy T Johnson 09/29/06
Marilyn Schnepp "introduced" me to you and your writing, and I have to say I am certainly glad she did. This is so delightful. I especially like the "international spy" paragraph that one could wish you'd spin off into a tale all its own. Now, I'll have to be watching you, too!