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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Breathe (08/19/10)

TITLE: He Faints
By veronica cressey


Okay, unless you have never experienced your spouse fainting, let me explain;
Their face is grey, their pupils dilate; their body is in limbo; you panic!

On Sunday afternoon, our young grandson returned to his mother after spending both Friday night and Saturday night with us.He was a good boy throughout the weekend.
Sunday, around 2pm, my husband, Brian, complained he was feeling chilled. In fact, his teeth were chattering. 'I'm going to bed" he said.'I have a stomach ache.'

'Okay' said I, thinking he's 'swinging the lead', [a phrase used by those who are seeking attention.]

After an hour or so, I look upon my patient, who is happily snoring! I keep up this hourly vigil, only to find he really is hot! I give him Panadol, I get a cool, wet, flannel for his brow.
He had gone to bed fully clothed, by now he was saying he was too hot! He stripped to his underwear. I continued with the flannel until he told me to stop.
In the meantime, I had prepared dinner which I ate solo.
He slept.
Next time I visit him, he is complaining he is hot again, so he strips! Then, he is too cold. I tell Brian he has a fever. More Panadol.
Fast forward to 2 am. I am by now, on red alert! Brian suffers from sleep apnoea which means he will inhale, but the amount of time he needs to exhale is worrying! I lay and listen. I continue to listen. By 3am, I hear him snore, count down the seconds for his exhalation, no breath!
I switch on my side lamp, he turns to face me, he opens his eyes, which I see are glazed, far away, so I SLAP HIS FACE! The echo of the slap around the room was resounding!
'Wake up!' I screamed. My heart was palpitating.His eyes now focus.
'Did you just slap me"? He said.
'Yes,' I replied.
'Why?" said he.
'Because I thought you fainted!" I replied.
To be honest with you readers, there are not many fellows who can say their wives slapped them in the kisser at three in the morning!
What REALLY happened was that Brian was woken by me turning on the light. He was still half asleep when he opened his eyes.
I, in my stupor thought I was looking at a man who had fainted, hence my slap!
Needless to say I took the next day off from work, which was Monday. I put Brian on a light diet as he was still complaining of his belly ache.Same on Tuesday.
Today is Wednesday, and my husband is fighting fit and well again.Must have been a 24 hour virus.
In the meantime, excuse me, I have to visit the bathroom................

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This article has been read 551 times
Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp08/27/10
Oh Lord....TOO FUNNY! I believe my neighbor heard me laughing and my windows are closed!! I just love everything about this. The new sayings I learned, the humor and just the way you wrote it...you have a unique and gifted talent for writing. Can't wait to read more of your writing. This just HAS to place!! In fact...it's OKAY to send me a thank you since I already commented without knowing who you are and then I don't have to wait until Thursday..pleeeease :)
Patsy Hallum08/27/10
I agree, this should place in the top this time. Very funny piece on a serious subject. Good Luck!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/28/10
This is great. I love the humor and I felt the wife's worry. I did notice in the beginning you used a singular subject-spouse, but used a plural pronoun their. It would have been fine to say his, he etc. But other than that tiny thing the story was a delight.