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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Breathe (08/19/10)

TITLE: My Longest Jog
By Brenda Rice
08/24/10


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Ah-h-h, how sweet the honeysuckle smells this morning. Okay, come on legs don’t fail me now. Five more minutes and this jog is history. Sh-o-ot, my thighs are begging for mercy. Hang with me thighs. We are almost there. Inhale….exhale….inhale….exhale.

Yes! I did it! That’s my longest jog, yet. Come on girl walk it down…slower….slower.

Hey, what are you doing? NO, NO!!!……

“Good morning, honey. No, your mother is out for a jog. She’ll be back in about ten minutes.”

“Dad there’s an accident near the freeway. I saw a lot of commotion when I drove by on my way to work. Mom runs over that way. If she isn’t back soon, go check on her.”

“Okay, honey. I’m sure she’s fine, but I’ll go check.”

Well, it’s been more than ten minutes and she isn’t back. I best take a drive or my daughter will have my hide. I’ll cut through to the freeway and see what’s going on.

Susie was right. There is something very wrong. There are people everywhere. “Excuse me, do you know what happened?”

“A jogger was hit by a car. The paramedics have been working on her for several minutes. They are performing CPR.”

Oh, Dear God! I don’t like what I’m thinking. I don’t like the knot in the pit of my stomach. “Please let me pass...excuse me...move aside!”

“Helen! That’s my wife! What’s happening? Please people let me through! That’s my wife! I need to get closer!”

“Helen, Helen, I’m here, honey. Hang on baby, hang on.”

“Sir, she is in full arrest. We have been doing CPR for ten minutes and there is no response. We are doing all we can.”

Frank, I hear you, honey? I love you, Frank. Where are you? I hear your voice, but I can’t see you. I’m so glad you’re here. I had my best jog ever! And I was just standing here wiping my face with a towel, when I heard a noise. I turned to see what it was and all I heard was a loud SLAM! That’s all I know. Frank, why can’t I see you?

Talk to me, Frank. It makes me feel so good. Your voice has always made me feel better. I wish...I...wish I could see you. I love you, Frank.

“Helen, I’m here now. The paramedics are doing everything they can. You’re gonna be fine.”

“Sir, she isn’t responding. Not once has she tried to take a breath. I don’t know what else we can do. Do you want her transported to the hospital?”

“Of course, I do! She’ll be just fine!”

“Helen, you’re gonna be fine, honey. All you have to do is………breathe.”


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This article has been read 175 times
Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp 08/27/10
Wonderful pace and gripping! Well told and unique in that I could feel not only the MC's emotions, but the husband, daughter and Paramedic too. Also really like your open ending. This is definitely a story that would have me consumed with overpowering anticipation and running out the door to buy the sequel if it were part of a book!
Patsy Hallum08/27/10
Excellent, just enough suspense to keep us gasping and leave us wondering. Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/28/10
This definitely has a conflict and is filled with suspense. I liked the open ending. We are often tempted to wrap everything into a happy ending, but that's not how life always works.
Verna Mull01/20/11
Just had to go read a writing of yours, and this was really superb! It was a gripping story, and so well done. Wish I had time to read all of your articles.


   
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