The Official Writing Challenge
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This is great, you added details so that I could clearly picture the scene. The story moved at the perfect pace, drawing out the suspense. The last sentence was a cute play on words.
Good job pulling the reader in right at the beginning. I knew something was up when you mentioned the Fire Dept. Inspection. You also kept my attention throughout with your use of dialog, making me feel as though I was right in the middle of it all. I also really liked Steve's first response after passing out, of, "Praise the Lord." :)
Good story, and well done. I get confused with breath and breathe. I could be wrong, but thought they were interchanged at times.
Great story, well written. THe last breathe, should have been breath. You gave me the breath of life. Rest is right on. Keep Writing.