The Official Writing Challenge
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This is great, you added details so that I could clearly picture the scene. The story moved at the perfect pace, drawing out the suspense. The last sentence was a cute play on words.
Good job pulling the reader in right at the beginning. I knew something was up when you mentioned the Fire Dept. Inspection. You also kept my attention throughout with your use of dialog, making me feel as though I was right in the middle of it all. I also really liked Steve's first response after passing out, of, "Praise the Lord." :)
08/27/10
Good story, and well done. I get confused with breath and breathe. I could be wrong, but thought they were interchanged at times.
08/27/10
Great story, well written. THe last breathe, should have been breath. You gave me the breath of life. Rest is right on. Keep Writing.