ďA soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.Ē
I have decided to write you a letter as our discussions always turn into arguments. I canít remember the last time we laughed or caressed one and other.
The feelings of hurt inside of me have turned into anger. It would be easier if I didnít love you. That is why my heart crumbles. I have run out of tears. When we start afresh your heel slowly crushes my faith in you again.
"If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you, and says, ďI repent,Ē forgive him.Ē
(Luke 17 v 4)
I have lost count of the times you have insulted, belittled and manipulated me. Sorry and thank you has never crossed your narrow lips. Last night I had to confront you. My trust in you has evaporated. You lied to me. I didnít question you when you claimed to have no money. I know you are getting a steady income. Are you in debt? I always generously gave you money when you said you needed it. I made sacrifices for you. When was the last time you made a sacrifice for me?
I am not a wife or a companion. I am a servant. My role is to clean, cook and look after the house. I am married to Mussolini, a great fake and an over rehearsed actor. I know you donít like me to go out and have a good time. You are scared I will tell someone and they will put ideas into my head. Too late! I am not stupid! I may not have the degrees you have but I have a heart with a lot of love to give. It is being wasted on you. Do I even know you anymore? You told me people never changed. Well, you have either changed or hid your true identity from me.
Do you remember the first time we met? I saw you across the Church Hall. My heart fluttered. We were meant to be friends. I became dependent on what you thought. I worshipped the golden ground you walked on.
You were always there when I needed you. I didnít think I could cope with the loss of my brother but you made me realise that it wasnít anybodyís fault. I was angry with God. I refused to be consoled. How could he let my brother die before his life had even begun? I had never doubted God before. You helped me realise that God loved my brother and I will meet him one day in Heaven, rejoicing forever. He still had a plan for me, for us together.
That magical night, the sea was glistening and the sky was sparkling pink. It was perfect. The love I saw in your eyes when you proposed to me made me feel so alive. Our marriage started so well. I wasnít totally naive. I knew we would have tough times but I never believed this could happen to us! You used to tell me everything. We would sit down every night and discuss our Bible studies. I always looked forward to those moments when we worshipped and prayed together. Our hearts overflowing with love for our Saviour and each other.
ďBe ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.Ē
(Eph. 4 v 26)
You promised me that we would get through everything together. We would always be a couple ready for battle. The devil would never get between us. We underestimated him. That is an understatement!
I know you are angry with me as well. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. However, we havenít handled it well. We have let the sun go down on it. It has rotted away our relationship. We have bottled it up inside. We will get bitter and it desires to destroy us from within. I fear it already has.
Please donít nurse your anger with me. I am willing to forgive. We can rebuild our relationship. It will be hard but the Holy Spirit will help us. Please donít let Satan win. I want you to look me in the eye again. I have nearly forgotten what colour your eyes are. Silence and ignoring the matter wonít work this time. This is your last chance. I donít care how you do it. You can write me a letter. You have until the sun sets tonight.
Love from your wife,
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