The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/20/10
This reads like a sermon and you've written some very good lines that tap right into all the turmoil happening in people's lives these days. My one comment would be to watch your paragraph spacing so that its easier to read. Break your thoughts down into simple paragraphs, using spacing between them. To engage the reader more, it would have been interesting to have seen another character in the story, possibly mulling over (in thought or dialogue) as to what was being said and how they related to it.
08/20/10
This is a great sermon. You made some very valid points.

You do need to break your writing into paragraphs. White space is so much easier on the eyes. It would be sad if someone skipped over your message because it seemed overwhelming without the breaks.

You did a great job of backing up your points with scripture. The prayer is lovely.