The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/20/10
Very nice story, and so much like our Gods' love.
Good job at story telling with just the appropriate Bible verse to pull it all together. My one comment would be to watch the use of "tag" line. For instance when she entered the store and was greeted with the voice of the clerk "What are you doing out in the blizzard, child?" she asked." The "she asked" seems redundant (to me) in that the reader knows that she (the clerk) is the one asking. Nice job, keep up the good work.
This was a thrilling story. You brought me right into the story.

You might want to consider breaking up the paragraphs into smaller ones. Also make sure you start a new paragraph for each new speaker.

The Bible verse she remembered in the end was a clever twist in the story.
08/23/10
Enjoyed the story. Drew me right in to the MCs feelings. Keep writing!
08/24/10
Very interesting and descriptive. I loved the proverb at the end. It shows how God can bring scripture to our minds just at the time we need it.