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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Discern (08/12/10)

TITLE: That Hideous Stench
By Nancy Bucca
08/16/10


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That Hideous Stench

Tears stung his eyes and blurred his vision. His heart beat forcefully. La-blub. La-blub.
Wisps of pungent smoke reached ghoulish arms toward his chest, squeezing noxious chemicals into his lungs, draining him of strength as the silent clock ticked on.
It was only a matter of time.

************************************************************

Darkness fell upon the lonely figure. He tried to stand, but his head was spinning. He collapsed to his knees and hugged the ground.

How much longer?

A sudden crack of lightning thundered the order.

“Roll away the stone.”

************************************************************

Inside the tent a horrifying tale unravels, sending shock waves throughout the countryside.

“Boys, I find unconscionable this loathsome deed that you admittedly conspired to commit. What have you to say in your defense?”

Some shrug their shoulders, others twiddle thumbs. All eyes are fastened everywhere but on the question.

“The knowledge of this wickedness churns my stomach, much like vinegar that’s mixed with gall. My eyes unwittingly behold burnt images of that insidious pit; of heavy whips and brutal shackles; of cold silver poured into cruel hands.

“And the sounds! Those awful sounds! The agonizing screams and pleas for mercy, the cries for justice rising from within the prison house. Oh, what bitter taste such news does leave upon my tongue! Though rivers of effervescent mouthwash inundate this cavern, they lack the strength to overwhelm the nauseous after-taste. Would someone be so kind as to procure for me a bucket?”

One brave lad ventures a word.

“Come on, Dad. Aren’t you blowing this thing a bit out of proportion?”

“Nay, my son. It is necessary to wax eloquent in order to fulfill all righteousness. Unloose therefore my sandals for one frugal moment, though you lack the worth, and bind them to your own abhorrent feet. Then boldly take your stance at the head of that illustrious changing table and observe. The stench of this foul deed assaults the nose like rotten eggs and does provoke as hasty a retreat.”

The sword hits its mark.

One by one they fall, cut to the heart, and ready to produce a full confession.

“Alas the sin, dear Father, alas the sin, that stinks to highest heaven in God’s sight! Our eyes cannot blink away its hideous visage; our ears cannot escape its deafening bark. Every day its cruel whips chastise us. Splashes of hot tar scooped from its sulfurous caldron scald our skin. Fools have we been, lacking in wisdom, and fearful to approach your side lest we receive some well-deserved smacks upon our hind quarters.”

“A crisp description of the devilish act, but sadly lacking passionate conviction regarding just desserts,” their father does reply.

An anxious pause. The lad clears his throat and continues.

“Flames of eternal punishment would not suffice to expunge this evil deed from our wretched souls. Nor can the blood of goats atone for the scarlet stains sprinkled so callously upon that flawless coat. How then can we possibly absolve ourselves of this transgression and find a way back into your good graces?”

So say they all, breaking the dam. Tears flow all around. Their father holds them close.

“Well said, my sons. Well said. And now I say to all of you, ‘Fear not.’ The truth sets free. For it is plain to see that God Himself has sent a mighty earthquake to roll away the stone from off your hearts, thus producing this most insightful of confessions; which, though it did exhume the decay of your treachery in a most odoriferous manner, also served to heighten my discernment, reminding me of a truth long buried deep within my soul: that the most insightful knowledge often comes from moving stones away from tombs and bringing buried treasure to the light regardless of the cost. This requires many deaths to self, but brings with it a greater resurrection. But for now it is enough to know that your brother Joseph, once deemed dead, is both alive and well. Let us go to him.”


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This article has been read 278 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Loren T. Lowery 08/20/10
You have a powerful and eloquent command of the king's English. To me, historical fiction is one of the most difficult genres to write in. But to some, they make it seem so facile - done with apparent ease. That takes great talent, which you've displayed here. I'm hoping that the theme (discernment) is not hidden too deeply in the complexity that it is overlooked - but other wise A+.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/20/10
You did a great job with the language and dialog. I'm not quite sure I understood it all, but it was still suspenseful and it encouraged me to keep reading.
Patsy Hallum08/23/10
Great writing. I hope the topic is strong enough! this should be prize material in my thinking, course, I'm a beginner to.


   
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