The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 616 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
09/19/05
This works as an allegory and a story of hope, but I'm not sure if the parallels to hell / heaven are exact enough. Why'd he go to hell at all, if he was a believer? (Ironic, because I wrote a piece once with a similar theme. It bombed. Yours is better.)
09/19/05
This is nice! But different,I like it.
09/19/05
watch spelling: none, instead of noone; syringe, instead of cyringe
09/19/05
I think with a little more work, some clarification and depth, this could be really powerful. You really had me with the door-to-door- gore thing...almost like scenes from a horror movie. Toward the end it took on a dreamy feel, but the ending itself was too soon, too brief. I hope you keep working on this one. Blessings!
09/19/05
Creatively different, some language conflicts and minor edits, but a good effort.
Creative. I didn't interpret it as hell/heaven but being rescued from Satan's clutches and being born into the Kingdom of God. Agree with other comments that it works well as an allegory and needs light editing, but overall, well done.
09/26/05
Christopher, I just wanted to stop by and encourage you. I was acting as a judge for this Challenge, and I thought your entry was quite good and has the potential to be exceptionally good with a bit of a tweak here and there. I'll be interested to see more from you in the Challenges in the future. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)