The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/13/10
WOW! You grabbed my attention and kept it all the way through. What a dramatic ending! The way you told it, it seemed as if you were telling something that really happened- not a story.
This graphic story does sound as something you or someone close to you experienced. I would have liked to know what happened to the parents after the conversion.
Wow indeed. This is a very powerful story on a difficult topic.

You had a few errors that a good proofreader would have caught. You left out not in the line Hell can be worse than this (at least I think you left it out, maybe you wanted it that way) Also make sure you start a new paragraph with each new speaker.

You did an incredible job of pulling me into your story. I have felt suicidal before and could relate to that feeling of little or no worth. The way you solved the inner conflict was wonderful.
08/17/10
You have shown how even in the midst of dire circumstances, God can reach down and impact a life. This was a good story and the ending wrapped up well.

You need to read your pieces out loud when you are finished with them so that you can catch your incomplete sentences. You need to brush up on grammar and punctuation rules. You concepts and story-telling abilities seem to be great, you just need a little more work in the mechanics of the English language. Good job! :)