The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a nice story. You did a good job of bringing the topic in. The ending was peaceful.
08/08/10
This one is a "sleeper". At first glance the words appear to be all thrown together, but if one is diligent enough to get into the meat of the story, it's a winner. Took me back to the old time "western" days, with the horses and carriage. Great story idea with excellent use of action verbs and descriptive adjectives. Thumbs up indeed!

Presentation is critical to lure the reader into your story, so open the lines up with paragraphs, spaces, and a bit of shuffling some sentences around. Writing talent here, for sure. Look forward to more. :)
08/11/10
It was a good story, but I found it a bit repetitive. The part I like best was the interaction of the master and coachman.
08/16/10
Love IT. Take a course in the forum on paragraphs and such and keep writing. Reminded me of an 18th century peice.