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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Smell (the sense of smell) (07/29/10)

TITLE: Kidnapped
By Patsy Hallum
08/03/10


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The blindfold hurt it was tied around his face so tight. His arms were tied together in front, but he couldn't raise his hands to pull on the blindfold because they were connected to the rope around his feet. Homer was terribly afraid of what the kidnappers were going to do to him. He wanted to scream but the tape over his mouth prevented much of a scream; each time he tried, he received a slap from one of the men who had taken him.

Lord God, I don't know why these men have me, but I know that You will help me to stand whatever they throw my way. I know that you will help me forgive them also, but right now, I would love to strangle one and shoot the other! I am so mad! Homer knew he was treading on dangerous ground because he started to make noise. Calm down homer he thought, God, tell me what to do.

Homer took a deep breath and tried to relax.

He heard a still small voice say “senses, keep track of where you are by senses.”

Homer knew his answer had come. He immediately started listening and smelling. His first sound different from the car noise and the men talking was a train whistle. He smelled diesel fuel with the smell of fast food, like a hamburger stand. He pictured a restaurant, maybe with gas pumps near a train track. Next, the car made a turn so sharp it threw him against the side of the car. So, the place was near a sharp turn to the left.

Homer was trying to get these pictures to stay in his mind. What is that I smell now? Pine! I am near the post factory. We are on the South side of town. Whew! The paper factory. We are headed West. Have to be to smell the post factory first.

Now that he was sure of the directions, Homer could relax as much as his bonds would let him and listen to what the men were saying until another turn was made.

“Wait 'til the Boss sees the pigeon, He will be pleased we only had to hit him once.” This sound came from the driver. I will hone in on his smell too, thought Homer. He moved a little towards the left. He caught the scent of Old Spice and cigars.

“Yeah, he done be easy to pluck. I don' know how he can run that factory with no more moxie than he got.”

African-American accent. They think I am Mr. Green! Homer thought as he moved to the right. They will shoot me when they find out I am just the janitor. Homer sniffed the air. I don't recognize the cologne. I'd better record it in my memory enough that I will know it again. He decided to stay on the right side for awhile. They must have driven 5 or more miles already. I had better take another smell of outside the car … hay, grass hay, not alfalfa. Cow manure. They had reached farm country, still headed west. I'm sleepy, Homer thought, He let himself dose.

What? Homer woke as he hit his head on the left side of the car. A turn, I fell left so we turned right. Another sharp turn. I smell watermelon,cantaloupe. The truck farm. Lets see, we were going west, turned right, that means we are going north, whaaaaaa', another hard turn left. That would mean we are going west again.

Homer righted himself as best he could. The grain storage tanks, people go in don't come out. I had better be making plans to get out this door. There is a little village about a mile from the storage tanks. If I could get this door open and fall out as soon as I smell or hear the village, I could get help. They wouldn't dare shoot me in front of a lot of people … would they?

Homer mentally pictured how to get the door open. Now, I smell food, I hear kids playing. He lunged for the handle, pushed it down and fell onto the street in front of some startled kids.

“What's up Mister” One asked.

Homer grunted holding his face up. The boy pulled off the tape. “Call 911, kidnappers in car, get license number.” Homer could say no more. The pain of the fall was too much. He passed out.


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This article has been read 303 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 08/05/10
This is an exciting story. There were a few technical errors here and there, but you did a great job covering the topic.
Jeanne E Webster 08/06/10
Good work of fiction. Lots of details and suspense. Will make an interesting full story.

Needs proofreading and corrections in grammar. Spelling is good. Tip: read your article aloud and you'll pick up errors that don't stand out while writing or reading to yourself. Sounds like you are oriented to fiction works. Blessings. :)
Phee Paradise 08/11/10
It was an exciting story. You organized it well and had a lot of good detail. Here's another hint that would have made it easier to read: Put characters' thoughts in italics and make sure spoken dialogue is marked by quotation marks.