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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hear (07/08/10)

TITLE: Happenings
By Ruth Brown
07/15/10


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Mauzy raised her rotund body, clasped the small of her back and stretched licking salt from her upper lip. She eyed the pile of sheets yet to handle.

Lord, I be praisin' you for this day and the odor of them fresh clean sheets. But Lord, why is it my kind has it so hard?
Are ya listenin', Lord? Land, sometimes I feel like my prayers barely get over the top of my head little lone above the treetops or the clouds. I knows you got a world as big as from here to Africa to stand guard over. It's just fine if you don't feel like talkin'. You always been an awful fine listener.

"Mauzy, Are you about done hanging the wash? Bell's ready to roast down in the kitchen. Big crew to feed today, me and Sarah Beth plus the help and Mr Daily's slaves are here to help harvest our cotton
today."

"Yes Missus Maribelle, I'll be done in the twitchin" of a lambs nose."

Mauzy shuffled her bare feet towards the house when she stepped in something. She raise her chocolate toe to discover something shiny. "A brass button, Hmm, now where did that come from?"
She dropped it in her apron pocket.

Look at my stitches, Mauzy. Just like you showed me. She held her embroidery up for Mauzy .

"Sarah Beth, it's real purty. Just look at your little french knot for his eye. And the wings filled in just so with the red. You are stitcin like a grown up lady."

" I am grown up,Mauzy.'

"Uh huh, twelve years ain't growed up."

She eyed the girls maturing body, and thought on how the neighbor boys looked at Sarah Beth these days. She wished it wasn't true,but Sarah had a striking beauty Inside and out.

Lord help me. I love that little girl like my very own.

Mauzy dried her hands and hung the dishtowel on the rack. Dust on the horizon caught her eye.

"Riders comin' Missus. They're wearing some blue."

"Missus, she eyed the coat of one of the men a blank spot where a button

They done been spyin' on us Missus that one is missin' a shiny button. I found one in the yard by the window yesterday

Take the girl and hide in the cellar at the old mill. Mauzy heard it plain.

"Yes Lord, I'm going.
Missus! her stomach clinched. The Lord ."

"I heard him too, Mauzy, take Sarah Beth and run!"


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This article has been read 392 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marie Fink07/15/10
Writing in the vernacular like this really pulls the reader in and adds even greater interest. Intriguing story.
AnneRene' Capp 07/15/10
Love it! Want to read more, so pleeeease tell me this is a story you plan on continuing. Also loved the dialect!
Mona Purvis07/15/10
What a good job you did with this story. Loved the characters. Look forward to more from you.

Mona
Philippa Geaney 07/16/10
I done just love the way of yer vernacular!
Wonderful story you had me fully engaged.It would be very enjoyable if you made a series out of the story.The characters already have come to life so why not go for it!
Amanda Brogan07/17/10
I do be lovin' that accent too! ;) Makes fer fun readin'!

A little tip: If you want to put thoughts or prayers in italics, surround the text with these .

Example: Hello

When you preview (and submit) your entry, the text should show up in italics. :)

Great job on the story!
Amanda Brogan07/17/10
Wow, I didn't know that HTML code worked in the comments! That downright ruins my little tip! HeHe!
Okay, try looking at this link instead. It explains italics and all that good stuff. :)

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3697
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/20/10
This is done quite well. Your characters seemed very real and convincing.
Angela M. Baker-Bridge07/20/10
Excellent! I agree with the others...very well told and captivating.
Karen Laskowsky07/21/10
Wonderful! Too bad it was so short. I want to read more.
stanley Bednarz 07/21/10
You seemed to know what your were doing to hook us from the start. Ex. The name Mausy, or was it Mauzy, and the word rotund, created a strong first impression.

I think you know your no cellar dweller in this competition. It will be fund to see if you place.

Great job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/22/10
Congratulations in placing in the top 15 of your level.
Beth LaBuff 07/23/10
You captured the urgency of the moment and put your reader there. Great work!
Carol Penhorwood 07/29/10
You have a gift with your stories that draws one in. I felt like I was back in "Gone With The Wind"!