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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hear (07/08/10)

TITLE: The Imprisonment
By Patsy Hallum
07/14/10


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Hello, my name is Stella. I came out of a month long coma four days ago. I was riding my bicycle on Maple Street......It was a Thursday afternoon, I had left school with no homework to do for the first time in months! I was feeling free and decided to ride to the park instead of going directly home. I usually did go right home and start homework. My mind was picturing the lazy tour of the park. I heard a car engine coming closer....There was a big flash of pain..then nothing.

Mom tells me that the car was going about 40 miles per hour when it swerved out of control and hit me. The driver said he swerved to miss a dog, lost control and hit me instead. She will not tell me the name of the driver until I mature more. I am only 14 and what happens to the driver is up to the police, not me.

I am getting off track of what I wanted to tell you though! I could hear voices of people around me. I don't know how long it was after the accident, but I heard a male voice talking about how he was massaging my legs to keep them from wasting away. I could feel pressure on my leg. I tried to talk,to move my leg myself
..anything to let them know that I could hear them. I heard a female voice ask the male why he thought that circular motion was better than straight up and down. I felt like I had to answer her but not a movement or sound could I make.

After they left, I heard Mom's voice. I wanted to leap up and hug her. I could not even bat an eye! It is very frustrating to be a prisoner inside a body that won't respond to your commands. Mom told me all about what my friends wanted her to say to me, what Dad said when he left for work and that he would be by to see me after work. That my Brother, Mark, had not wanted to go to school that day, but to come see me instead. I really tried to tell her that I would love to see Mark.

Then Mom started to tell me what the machines were that surrounded my bed, how they worked, what they were for and how she hoped that I would not be scared by them when I woke up. “MOM,” I screamed in my mind, “Mom I can hear you! I will not be afraid. Please, tell me why my body won't move! Why my eyes won't see! Why my tongue won't move! Mom, what is happening to me? Will I ever get better? Mom, I love you!” It was no use. I only had ears that worked, I could hear! That seemed like a small consolation to me, I wanted to move and talk, to be like I was before.

I heard Mom pull a chair up to the bed and start reading. It was out of my History Book! “Mom knows I like history and want to keep up with my class.” I thought. So, for the next while, I listened to how the Civil War changed the face of the United States.

I guess my ears went to sleep for a period of time. When they woke up, Dad was talking to a Male voice. “Doctor, Stella has been in this coma for 14 days now, It doesn't seem to be getting any lighter. She is still not moving, not breathing on her own. Do you think her brain was injured so badly that it will never work again?”

“NO, NO, NO O OOOOOOO, Dad, my ears work! I can hear! I am not dead!”

“No, I do not think that the injury was severe enough to kill the brain.” Doctor voice said. “ I really think she will have some movement before long. The swelling is the main problem now.”

“Oh, good. Thank you Doctor! You hear that body, you will move again. Tongue, you will talk again.
Eyes, you will see! Thank you, God. Thank you and praise you”
Mom says it was the 20th day..I could hear her reading the Bible to me..I put all I had into trying to blink my eyes....It blinked! My right eye blinked! By the Grace of God, I improved each day.


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This article has been read 280 times
Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp 07/15/10
This had almost every emotion in me, bubbling over! I was completely enthralled!! What a POWERFUL testimony about talking in front of those with brain injuries. I have always believed and treated patient's as if they could hear and told them that I know how frustrated they must feel not being able to respond but to have faith that God would bring it to pass. I think this was very well written and see you moving up the ranks, REAL fast! There are so many really good beginners and you are one of them! Good Job and if this is a true account...I Praise and Thank God for your recovery!!!
Marie Fink07/17/10
Your words toward the end: "body you will move, eyes you will see, ears you will hear," brought my mind to several places in the Bible where God addresses such things on earth and in heaven. Captivating account.
Ruth Brown 07/17/10
Excellent! If this is a real account thank God some doctor didn't presume to play God and give an early death sentence. Well told! May God keep blessing you, Ruth
Angela M. Baker-Bridge 07/20/10
Interesting approach to the topic, a testimony that teaches and encourages. A few edits are needed, easy to miss when checking your own work. Maybe allowing enough time to re-read several times would help. Keep writing and entering the Challenge!
Philip Barrington07/20/10
You had me attached to the story. My wife was in an induced coma for pnuemonia. One day in her deep sleep she was trying to get out of bed. Just for a little joke I said to her. What are you doing hon? trying to get out of bed? She nodded her head clearly up and down as she acknowleged what I said.

Thank you and God bless.
Charla Diehl 07/22/10
Patsy, congrats on being highly commended for this piece. Very interesting. Long ago my three year old niece was in a coma for a month. Her mother read to her daily and all the visitors were encouragaed to talk to her. I the frustration of your MC and am so glad this had a happy ending. Keep writing.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/24/10
This is filled with such wonderful emotion and most of all hope. The voice seemed to be close to what a 14 yo would say. If you could show things instead of tell them, it will bring your reader right into the story with you. At first it sounds hard, but once you get the hang of it, you'll find it is fun to write that way. It is a great job.


   
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