The Official Writing Challenge
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09/13/05
Your large, central section would be far more readable if you separated lines of dialog, and added more action. I'm not clear on if your mysterious man is an angel, or a ghost, or an alien...in any case, it's an unusual story! I think it has potential, though; did a good job of portraying the girl and her utter unfamiliarity with the Word.
09/13/05
An unusual view of ones imagination. The girl, lost as it were in a world she called home, the mysterious stranger who has no home but in Gods word. I think in adding space between the diolog lines would alow you and the reader to see the "Non-Play" between them. Maybe even another Un-real time in the Larger section where she took the Book. A good peice other wise.
09/14/05
Poor girl! She's so lost! Good story. A bit too descriptive for me but well written, none the less. God bless
09/14/05
Funny story, with good insight into the mind of the non-Christian character. Needs a little bit of polishing, but great start!
Interesting take on the subject. A tad on the soap opera style in the imagination sections(ala 'Nicole' in DOOL, Haha-now you know one of my vices!). Good character development.
Well written, needs spacing, but an all around good read! Thanks for sharing!
09/14/05
a few phrases could have been re-worded to make it sound less harsh. There are other ways to say the same things without saying it so graphic. The story left me feeling a bit puzzled: was this stranger an angel, even Jesus Himself?
09/16/05
The thumbnail descriptions you give of your characters works really well. The dialogue is lively and suits your character. I think it's OK that we're not quite sure who the stranger is. Do space your work out more, makes for an easier read. Well done. Yeggy
09/17/05
An interesting entry - I liked the real and unreal, but could have used a bit more of the real, to see why she was "falling" for the stranger. Then another unreal in the middle to split it up a bit.
09/17/05
Any story that starts with a disclaimer is going to have problems. Know your market and who you're writing for and make the story match. Plus, you can say a lot through inuendo and do a lot of things off camera. All that said, it's still a very creative approach and you presented the characters in a very unique manner. Good Work!
09/17/05
Before my salvation I had my share of the roughest and toughest friends, but never, ever have I heard anything as crude as "flashing my female genitalia". I see a lot of potential in your writing. No need for the shock factor.