The Official Writing Challenge
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06/11/10
That's an interesting way to open the conversation about salvation.
06/11/10
Your story has a great title. Your dialogue is very natural, which makes the salvation message not seem preachy. But, you had a bit of a problem with punctuation. Otherwise, I think you did well.
06/14/10
I like the way you portrayed Jane's curiosity - not gushing but quietly interested. I was disappointed, mind, by what I felt was a weak ending. Having been built up to expect Jane to come to faith, it seemed unfair that the story was left unfinished. Bless you for showing how day-to-day conversations can be turned to the gospel
I, too, felt the dialogue kept the preacher from being “preachy.” Your dialogue was believable and down to earth, so good job!

One suggestion: proofread for unnecessary words/phrases. Less is more. Be stingy—it will help the rhythm and impact of a story. Hanging up on a phone call implies you’re hanging up a phone; no need to say it. When the preacher tells the librarian that the Christian martyr spent time in prison, one is naturally led to assume the books he is seeking address this man’s time there, and the second use of the word prison is repetitive. Especially in the case of a word limit, cutting out repetitive words allows you to insert descriptive words instead. What did the librarian look like? Was the library old/new/clean/dirty/large/small? Was the preacher old/thin/fat/bald/handsome/young? What type of personality might the librarian portray? Is she cynical/sweet and naïve/afraid?

Overall, I think this is a great story, especially your dialogue. I anticipate reading much more of your work!
06/16/10
I liked the way you set this up and the gentle pacing of it. I would have liked a stronger ending, even if it didn't have to do with the pastor. Your comma usage could use some work, but overall this is a great concept and well done.