The Official Writing Challenge
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Paper fortresses (books) seem to be very common retreats, particularly for the very young who feel they have no place to turn. Your last paragraph said it, but I'd like to have seen you show your MC finding the truth herself. A bittersweet tale. Good writing though with believable characters.
06/11/10
I could relate to the main character in this piece. The ending seemed a bit flat compared to the rest. Maybe including some of the girl's thoughts would help. Good work.
This was an interesting read! I loved the way you used the play on words a lot! I could picture her hidding in the library and ducking as the people came in. That is how I related to it. Very good though. The first sentence...WOW!
You have a great beginning to your story and it's right on topic. You did a good job of picturing the library.
I thought you had a very relatable MC, and your beginning certainly grabbed my attention. I have a couple preference suggestions, which you can take or leave as you will. The beginning was action-based and definitely caught my attention. I would have liked to have seen that carried throughout the story. Maybe other library visitors comment about the MC hiding between the shelves, or the librarian talks to her about seeing her every day. Just a thought!
06/16/10
Your beginning set the tone for a very intense story. I wanted to know more about what caused the conflict to begin with. I liked the message in this.