The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 344 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Nicely paced and a sweet romance. This one does have potential. Please keep writing - I look forward to seeing more.
06/11/10
A good message in this piece. One suggestion would be to make the beginning a bit more attention grabbing to draw in the reader. Your description and pacing are well-done.
This is such a delightful read. I found myself smiling the whole way.
The only thing I questioned was i assumed it was a campus bookstore and wondered why there would be so many kids in it.But that is nothing.

You pulled me in so easily and left me feeling refreshed, so who am I to quibble about where the bookstore was? Good job!
I love Dr. Seuss books. I could picture Mike sitting on the little chair reading to the children. On topic and a good read. Well done.
06/14/10
This was delightful. A lot of fun with believable characters.
Let me make one suggestion to improve your introduction - cut out the first few lines and start with "On move-in day..." That paragraph tells enough about Dad and it saves the change in scene from home to college.
Well done. FaithWriters is a great place to learn.
Excellent story, interesting and well paced. I expect you won't linger in "Beginners."
I'm always a fan of "Aw! He likes her!" stories. This was really sweet and definitely made me smile.
06/16/10
Ooh, I want a Hatboy! This story was so sweet. You have talent and a wonderfully flowing style.