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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Editor (05/27/10)

TITLE: Eye Music
By Patsy Hallum
06/01/10


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Eye Music

The sky was filled with stars, shining as bright as they could, but with out a moon to help them, they could not provide enough light for me to see the perils that might be in the way of my feet as I left my secret spot, where I had spent the early evening trying to write a song for a program my friend was doing. He needed an original song, words and music. I had the words, but the music notes weren't coming. The tune seemed to be in my head, but I could not put the notes on paper.

I fought turning on the flashlight I had with me because it would take away from the brilliance of the stars. I needed to look at the stars. Instead of starting for home, I laid on the ground and let my eyes feast on the heavens. There was the Big Dipper, Little Dipper, Orion, and the North Star. The only constellations I knew how to find. I started praying to God, to help me get the notes on paper. To bless my friend's program that he might find success. As I prayed, I was still looking at the stars, relaxing in the grandeur of the Lord's creation.

The more I prayed, the more certain stars seemed to get brighter, standing out from the rest. I looked across the sky, from right to left, imagining scale lines, I saw the tune I needed, written by the greatest writer of all! I quickly turned on my flashlight and jotted the notes down just as they appeared in the sky. I dared not edit out one note, or add one note because who am I to change God's work?


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This article has been read 326 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse06/04/10
Indeed, who are we to change God's work? I liked this a lot. I just have one small suggestion. It's something someone passed on to me, so I'll pass it on to you. Watch out for unnecessary words or phrases. They trip up the rhythm of the story. I don't mean descriptions, but rather things that don't need to be said because they're implied. Ex. The very nature of turning on a flashlight would imply you had it with you, and you probably wouldn't need to state that you had the it with you. This is something I struggle with, and I have to work when I proofread to think, "Do I really need this or is it understood?"
Joanne Sher 06/06/10
Lovely descriptions, and what a neat premise. Nicely done
Mildred Sheldon06/06/10
I love how you gave God the glory for the notes to your song. God is amazing. Ejoyable story. Thank you for sharing and God bless.
Nancy Sullivan 06/07/10
Great job. Beautiful descriptions and so clever!
God Bless.
Jan Ackerson 06/08/10
I really like the idea of music written on the sky.

Your first sentence is a bit cumbersome, and I found this to be rather light on the topic; it's almost an afterthought.

You're a good writer; I'd encourage you to use your full 750 words.