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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Writer's Life (05/13/10)

TITLE: Brian's New Job
By Philip Barrington


Mr. Brown was a busy man. He did not have the help he needed. Publishing Tony and Sharon’s tract was deep in his thoughts. Disappointing them would break his heart.

Brian’s life as a writer and editor had become full and overwhelming. He was concerned that his business was affecting his family.

Mrs. Brown had been watching her husband get so bogged down with work. Lost in her thought on how to help, she diligently served her husband with coffee and made sure that his meals were cooked.

Ding dong, the door bell rang just as Mrs. Brown was serving coffee. Looking stressed, Mrs. Brown went to the door. “Oh, hello,” said Mrs. Brown, recognizing her visitor. “Come in Brian. Would you like some coffee?” She asked, while placing a coffee jug on the living room table. “Jack won’t be a minute; he is just about to have his morning break.”

“How is your son Tony? Mrs. Brown asked.”

“Oh, I cannot keep up with him, since he has become a Christian.” Jack said with a smile.

Looking very dreary, Jack came into the living room. “Hi Brian,” he said bending slightly over shaking his hand. “How can I help you?” he asked while sitting down.

Mrs. Brown quietly left the room, realizing the two men need to talk.

“I am very discouraged. I have been looking for work. I cannot find a Job.” He said with a lump in his throat.

“What kind of work are you looking for? Asked Jack with concern.

“Oh, I am a graphics and printing specialist,” Brian said with enthusiasm.

A sudden change of a bright countenance came across Jacks’ face. “I have a small business; I could employ you to do my graphics for me for a few hours a week.”

Mrs. Brown was coming in to offer more coffee when she overheard what was said. “You will be able to finish off Tony and Sharon’s tracts.” Mrs. Brown said with glee.

Brian’s discouragement disappeared. “That would be so helpful.” He said with a smile.

“I am just so busy that I just have not got time to keep up with all I need to do. My life as a writer and editor is overwhelming, Jack exclaimed.”

“I know the life of a writer is busy.” Brian said with concern. “I could start on designing Tony and Sharon’s tracts today,” Brian suggested.

With a peace and in great spirits, they entered the computer room to start work. The writer’s life for Jack was not so burdensome any more.

The hours went quickly. Before they knew it, Tony and Sharon sprang in the door from school, as Jack and Brian were just finishing for the day.

“Mum said that you were over here, so we came over to see how the tracts were going,” said Tony.

“Well, Sharon’s Dad has just employed me.” Brian exclaimed. “Wow,” said Tony. “Did you finish it?” Did you finish it?” Tony asked with excitement.

“No, not quite, Mr. Brown has to review the tract tomorrow before I do the draft print.” Brian said, looking around.

“Oh, such is the writer’s life.” Sharon said with a sigh, breaking her silence.

Jack, Mrs. Brown, Brian and Tony all laughed at what Sharon said.

Why don’t we all have afternoon tea? Mrs. Brown asked, while still laughing.

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Member Comments
Member Date
AnneRene' Capp05/20/10
Enjoyable plot and really liked your depiction of Mrs. Brown.

In a couple of spots, think you may have inadvertently inserted the name of the wrong person speaking, but overall, I was able to put it together. :)

You definitely have the heart of a writer, so want to encourage you to check out the free writing classes in the forums under "writing". Ann and Jan's lessons have been a real blessing for this writer.

Mildred Sheldon05/24/10
I enjoyed this very much. Although you confused some of the characters speaking you did a very good job with the article. Find a partner that will critique your articles before submission and you will do very well. Keep writing and God bless.
Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse05/24/10
Keep writing, writing, writing! I can tell it's in you! Couple quick suggestions. First, make sure your quotation marks surround only the quote and not "he said" or "she said." I made that very mistake when I first started writing. Second, try to avoid too many "he said" and "she said"s. Most of the time, dialogue can stand on its own. Try using descriptions of various actions to convey who's talking. For example, instead of writing, "What do you want to do today?" Eric asked. "Do you want to go to the store?" Try: Eric looked up from his newspaper. "What do you want to do today? Go to the store?" And when you do need to use "said" and "asked," explore other verbs. Exlaimed, retorted, replied, professed, quipped, whispered, suggested, cautioned, warned, wondered, inquired. Can't wait to read next week's submission! Keep up the hard work!
Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse05/24/10
Oops! *Exclaimed
Noel Mitaxa 05/25/10
I enjoy your use of active speech to clothe and to earth the ideas in your story, rather than just narrating, though you need clearer punctuation to balance the pauses within the flow.