The Official Writing Challenge
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09/13/05
The POV shifts and a few grammar glitches bothered this very intriguing story.
09/13/05
Yes, a little bit of editing will make this a great analogy.
09/13/05
I loved some of your word choices 'washed over the table'. I enjoyed reading this.
09/14/05
Nice allegory, but I'd like to see it clairifed a bit. For example, in the modern setting, what is the meaning of "...The desire to carry out his father’s business was never quite so strong. He knew what was being asked of him, but his heart couldn’t justify his life for the lives of others..."?

09/14/05
I clearly understood what your were conveying. Although Jesus knew what he was being sent to do, and was willing, he was still a man and must have had several moments of uncertainty.
Well written piece.
Fascinating take on this pivotal point in human and divine history. I appreciate your skill in using 'Good voyage'. That was perfect. 'Bon voyage' at that point wouldn't have worked at all.
09/18/05
Excellent angle on the theme. Very well conceived. I would think a few more rounds of editing would smooth over a few of the rough points. I think you could have taken the allegory a bit farther ... reall reach for the edge. The story read a bit constrained. Still, nice entry and wonderful concept.