Sitting in her office, the loneliness was so thick, it was palpable. Audrey wondered what all the people who had lives were doing. It was a beautiful sunny day, abounding with beauty, warmth, and nature. Not for her. There she sat in the darkness, with just a few little rays of sunlight finding their way through the window. She watched as a lady bug slowly struggled to climb up her curtain. Audrey felt like a prisoner; forgotten.
Time to be productive, there were no distractions; she was free to think, the perfect atmosphere to birth a story. With hands on her keyboard, peering at the monitor; there was a vague feeling that others were in the office with her. On the futon, near her desk they sat. One had her hands clasped, leaning forward, with a disapproving look. The other was a portly man; staring at her as if sizing her up.
When she began typing, she felt as if they were laughing at the silly ideas, as her words filled the screen. Both onlookers were in agreement that she had nothing to offer. After all, she could be doing something productive like cleaning the house. Instead, she was wasting time with this dribble.
She tried to tune these thoughts and images out. They had a way of creeping up on her when she was alone or feeling down. These were the times where she would think of running to the refrigerator to grab a snack. If she was really feeling down, maybe a phone call to a friend would get her back on track.
She knew she had friends, intelligence and talents; but the invisible company in her office wasn’t so easily convinced. They knew she had weaknesses and faults.
Getting tired of these thoughts, her voice broke the silence. Jesus I need your help to write this story. I know I can do all things through you.
Her spirit perked up.
The visitors in her office must have stepped out; she was able think. She began typing her thoughts. Joy filled her heart as ideas poured out forming her draft story.
Ed, her husband arrived home from work. After dinner, she presented him with her story, “Honey, would you read this and tell me what you think please?”
He took the paper not looking too thrilled and quickly read through it. “Yea, it’s ok.”
“What do you mean its ok?” Did you like it?” She asked.
“I mean it’s not awful. It’s not anything that I would go wow about either, but it’s good;” he said, handing it back to her.
“Ok, thanks.” She went back to her office feeling down. If her own husband doesn’t like it how will anyone else. The visitors were back.
Patronizingly, the woman said; “forget about him, he’s just a stupid man anyway,”
The man said; “maybe you just don’t have what it takes to be a writer.”
Their voices echoed through her mind, building up sorrow and confusion inside her. What’s the point; why bother? Would some ice cream make me feel better? Maybe I’ll play a video game. I don’t need all this stress. Maybe I’ll have a glass of wine. I could call Anita or Cathy and hang out. Why is life so tedious and troublesome?
Amidst these thoughts, she got hold of herself and decided to ask the source. “Jesus, what should I do? Lord I have so many choices on how to spend my time; I feel alone and confused.”
She knew instantly what she should do. Stepping outside, she took a walk and did some gardening. When she came back inside, she sat down with her draft. By the time she was done, it was almost completely re-written.
After a few days and numerous changes, she handed it back to Ed who told her “Wow, this is much better.” She submitted it to receive her first ribbon.
She thanked the Lord for being her guide and her friend. Throughout her life, she often acted like He wasn’t there. Instead, she needed things, people, anything that she could grab hold of and put on the throne of her heart that made her feel okay. Jesus was the one that was forgotten so many times, sitting way down the far end of the bench of her life. This left her alone and vulnerable to the carnal thoughts and feelings that rose up in her.
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