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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)

TITLE: Lessons
By Cindy Carver
05/12/10


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“Mom, this one’s for you.”

“You are my hero. I looked up to you for your bravery in fighting for your life against the foes of this world that wanted to take you down. I don’t think I told you that before.”

“You were always there to critique me when I asked, and support me when I didn’t ask.”

“When my stories didn’t receive any acclaim you told me to keep writing and I am."


The Tribute

The tears streamed down her cheeks as she pedaled harder. Her mother had just died. The wind whipped in her face, and the hill which had been a challenge before greeted her, and she pushed harder.

“Why, Mom?”

“Why?”

As she crested the hill, the tears streamed, and she sobbed, wanting the hill to be longer.

Her sobs were but unheard whispers in the wind that made her eyes water more as she leaned forward and sped downward hearing laughter, “Weeeeee,.” She sat up as she heard the laughter and the wind whipped into her face and she felt her mother with her, on her shoulder, like a bird.

Coasting to a stop, she closed her eyes. “Mom.”

The voice was gone as the wind was still at the bottom of the hill.

“Mom, I miss you.”

The sound of her mother’s voice echoed in her mind. She had heard the high pitched “Weeee,” as if it was right there with her.

“You’re in heaven.”

No answer, only the silent road in front of her.

“Mom, I miss you so much, but I can’t ask you to come back. I know you are in a better place free of pain. It’s just so hard.”

“I want you here with me, to talk to, to hear your voice. You were always there. I miss you so much.”

“I’m lifting you up Mom. Go”.

“Know I love you.”

“I know you gave your life for us, for me.”

“How I want you to know that. Know that everything you did I know was for us.”

“Now I know you’re in heaven. Thank you.”

“I feel safer with you there.”

“I’m going to write this down Mom, critique me, and tell me if I get it right. You were always my teacher.”

“If you smile down on me, I’ll know in the sunshine and in the flowers I plant for you when they grow that I have it right.”

“You never gave up on me. …and I never gave up on you. Know that Mom. I believed in your heart.”

“I saw you struggle with alcohol. I saw you fight it with all you could.”

“…and in your last days when I wasn’t there, when they found you with open Bible to Psalms 27 . I read it Mom, and know Psalms 27:1 'The Lord is my light and salvation—who will I fear.' …and 14 'Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.'"

"I know your enemy--the evil that advanced against you, a bottle to hide your fears, your wish to be loved.”

“I love you Mom, and always will.”

“You fought a valiant fight. With its ups and downs--you won.”

“Thank you for being with me even after you were gone. I heard you.”

‘You are my hero. You won.”

“I heard your voice, when you were happy riding along on my shoulder like a bird--you flew and are still soaring.”

“When I ride my bicycle I will hear your voice and know it is much better where you are.”

“You always encouraged me when I wrote and let me know of my errors. I know you see me still and are my greatest critic and fan.”

“Take heart, I am listening and always have and still write.”

“God, I feel is with me too as I write, though I miss you reading my stories and crossing out my errors. You had so much to give. I hope you see it is still being given as I write. What you gave is your love. What I write is my love.”

“Know it lives on, red marks and all. I won’t give up either. The greatest teacher of all keeps me going.”

“I know he loves us, and has written our stories long before we were born.”

Love always, your daughter.


The Living Bible Paraphrased Proverbs 23:1 “ Don’t refuse to accept criticism; get all the help you can.”

God will critique us all.


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This article has been read 185 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 05/13/10
A beautiful mother-daughter tribute. I loved the fact that she was able to find the happiness between the pain of losing her mother.

This was a beautiful, bittersweet piece--thanks for sharing!
AnneRene' Capp 05/13/10
What a loving, caring and tender testimonial to your mother. You did a good job bringing the reader into your heart and emotions. I felt privileged!

I am also pretty much of a newbie around here and want to encourage you to check out the "writing" forum for Ann and Jan's free classes. They've been a blessing of information to develop my writing skills and are looking to help all Beginner and Intermediate writers.
Karen Macor05/14/10
You did a good job of emotionally drawing me in. That mother-daughter relationship is so special.
Mildred Sheldon05/16/10
Fantastic. So tender and touching the relationship betweent mother and child. God is the ultimate critiquer. Good job.
Mary Knoll Santos05/18/10
Sweet and precious story of mother and daughter relationship. Your mother echoed the mother-heart in me about my own children in your first few paragraphs. It brought me to tears. God bless you for writing this tribute.


   
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