The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/13/10
Not a bad story--I liked the interaction between Richard and Stuart. They seem like really good friends!

The slang tripped me up just a bit--though I use it myself on a fairly regular basis, lol. But it was all right.

Just a note--when you have lines like "Stuart begins to feel agitated" don't "tell" but "show" instead, show Stuart scratching a non-existent beard or strangling a throw pillow in his hands--it helps to round out his character more.

Good job-keep it up!
Really like how you showed the rejection letter instead of Richard just telling of how he was rejected. It made me experience Richard's rejection right along side of him. Good dialogue also.
Great job putting your feelings into this. I could just about feel his pain. Thanks and God bless.
I liked this story. I felt the characters were real, and the interaction between them was believable. Couple things, though. Try to stick to one tense. Sometimes your story is present tense, and sometimes it's past tense. Pick one and stick with it through the whole story. Also, watch punctuation. There were some comma/period issues, but I sincerely enjoyed the story. Keep writing!