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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Critique/Review (for writers) (05/06/10)

TITLE: Sharon's New Friend
By Philip Barrington
05/12/10


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Sharron was a bright girl, who had only been at school for a short time. She often brought to school her unfinished tracts, to review them. In her attempts to finish them, she had lost one very important paper. She searched diligently every day. With disappointment her search was in vain.

As she sat on the school seats, she was so disquieted. Suddenly she noticed one boy that seemed so different. Sharon ran spritely over to him. “My name is Sharon, What is your name?” she asked as she stopped suddenly in front of him. “My name is Tony, and my friend is Jesus,” he said with much joy. “Wow, I am a Christian too,” Sharon said. “How did you become a Christian?” Sharron asked. Tony began to share his testimony.
“Well, I found a piece of paper on the ground, I could not understand it, because someone trod on it, I went to my teacher to ask if he could explain it to me. After school he took me to Mrs. Price who explained it to me.”

“Where is that piece of paper now?” Sharron asked excitingly. “Oh, I never leave home without it,” said Tony. Sharron’s face dropped. “What’s wrong?” Tony asked. “You see Tony. I love writing,” said Sharon. “Me too,” said Tony. “I was trying to write a tract and I lost my piece of paper.” Sharon paused for moment. “I am so glad that you came to know Jesus, but may I have a look at it to see if it is mine?” She asked. “Yes sure,” said Tony. Tony pulled out the paper from his pocket. Without delay, they sat down together. Sharon looked at it. With a pleased look in her eyes, she recognized her own piece of paper.

“I have a great idea,” said Sharon,” giving the paper back to Tony. “My father is an editor, he will be able to review my writing and maybe we can write a tract together.” Sharon said excitingly. “Yes,” said Tony. “I may be able to share how I became a Christian.”

Whilst exchanging addresses and phone numbers, Tony and Sharon realized that they only lived in the next street from each other. Tony caught the bus home, but Sharon’s father picked her up after school every day. They did not realize that they lived so close to each other.

“Tony, I will ask my dad if he can take you home as well,” Sharon said. “I will need to ask my parent,” said Tony.

The next day all arrangements were made for Sharon’s dad to pick up Tony from school. With Tony’s surprise, arrangements were made by their parents to go to Sharon’s house for drinking Chocolate and cake.

“Now, what is this about a tract? Mr. Brown asked. They both began to speak to tell there story at the same time. Woo now, “one at a time” Mr. Brown said. Suddenly there was silence. Tony broke the silence. He shared his story how he found the piece of paper and how he became Jesus’ friend.

After Tony was finished talking, Sharon shared how she lost the tract that she was putting together. “You see dad, we both realized you’re an editor and thought you would review what I have written, and Tony wants to share how he became a Christian.” Sharon said, knowing that her dad would agree.

“Ok,” said Mr. Brown. “I will critique and edit your manuscript.” “Then I will get back to you, so you can review all the changes I made.” “Tony, could you write out your testimony on how you became a Christian?” Mr. Brown asked.

“Oh, yes, I will go to my favorite spot tomorrow at school and write it out,” said Tony.” Could you check it over to make sure I got my spelling ok?” Tony asked, “Oh. Yes, I certainly will review your testimony to make sure it is put together right for you,” Mr. Brown said

While, having a glass of Chocolate and more cake, “I have three friends now, I have Jesus in my heart, I have your dad as a friend, and you’re my best friend at school,” said Tony.” “You’re my best friend too,” said Sharon. “You know what Tony? You will get some real good friends that will help you, now that you are friends with Jesus.”


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Sara Harricharan 05/13/10
I like the way this played out, Sharon was lucky to see what an influence her unfinished work had on someone who needed to know Christ. Great detail!

Just a tip--use a new paragraph every time there is a change in speakers, that way it is easier to read.

Great job--I'm glad Sharon made a new friend!
AnneRene' Capp 05/13/10
This is an old fashioned sweet story that I enjoyed very much and it left me smiling inside and out!

Check out the free writing classes in the forums under "writing", when you have a chance. Jan and Ann have basic writing classes that I am taking advantage of as a newbie around here and am learning a wealth of information. :)
Mildred Sheldon05/16/10
Loved your story. God moved and works in strange ways which is awesome. You did an outstanding job.